Getting sterilized isn’t easy, especially if you’re young and/or have no children. But it can be done, if you’re persistent. I got my tubal ligation at the age of 22, and with no kids.
- Be sure sterilization is what you want.If you’re anything less than 100% certain, don’t bother. For one thing, if you’re not totally convinced that sterilization is right for you, then you aren’t likely to be successful in convincing anybody else of this. Everything about you from your words to your body language needs to communicate with absolute confidence that you are done birthing kids or never want any at all.Another reason this certainty is important is because you do not want to be in that small (I stress, very small) minority who actually do regret their sterilization. Not only is that bad for you, personally, but your unrepresentative situation will be used against other men and women seeking the same procedure.
- Research your options.There are many sterilization options (for women/for men,) and it’s important to figure out which one will be best for you. It’s important too to know as much as possible about the procedure you choose, both from a medical perspective and from the perspective of the patient. You need to know what to expect, for your own comfort and peace of mind. It’s also helpful to be able to communicate clearly with your doctor, making sure your both speaking the same language, when it comes to your request for a certain procedure, and also to demonstrate to your doctor that you are knowledgeable about the procedure and understand exactly what you’re asking for.Don’t be suckered in by anti-sterilization scare-tactics. There are a number of unhelpful myths about sterilization procedures, and they’re easily debunked by honest and earnest research and understanding of the procedure. Don’t let medical myths perpetuated by the regretful minority dissuade you.
- Be prepared to stand up for what you want.You should never have to justify your actions, but a doctor will ask anyway. Be ready to give reasons, good ones, for your decision to be sterilized at that time. You should be able to go on and on all day about all the reasons you want to be sterilized, however small and ultimately inconsequential some of those reasons may actually be to you. If it helps, prepare a list.It’s also important to familiarize yourself with popular bingos, and be prepared to counter them. You do this not only to dominate the conversation, but also to demonstrate that you’ve given the matter a lot of though and are completely serious about it.
- Research doctors and hospitals/clinics.
Who even does sterilization procedures? You’ll be wasting your time if the doctor or hospital you go to doesn’t provide sterilization at all, or the particular procedure that you want.It’s also important to check reviews for doctors and hospitals/clinics, just as you would for any other medical care that you seek. You want to know that you’re in the hands of medical professionals that you can trust with your health.
- Know how you’ll be paying for the procedure.Cost varies by type, as well as other factors. How will you afford sterilization? Does your insurance cover it? Does the government? Can a non-profit organization assist you? Can you afford to pay out-of-pocket? If not, you may have to find a way to get insurance that covers the procedure, and/or set up a savings fund. You might even get creative, organizing a fund-raiser or accepting donations from charitable and supportive friends (think of the opposite of a baby-shower.)NOTE: Someone on FaceBook said that this list works well for civilians, but not necessarily military. That’s when I pointed out that I was active duty US Army at the time that I got my tubal. Yes, it’s more difficult for military, but it can be done. And, as it just so happens, TriCare pays for 100% of it.
- If you have one and he/she is supportive, bring your partner to the consultation.It will help you to have support, someone in your corner to lend encouragement and assistance. Additionally, bringing your partner will keep a hesitant doctor from bingos appealing to your partner’s hypothetical intentions (“What if you meet the right man/woman?”) Your doctor may be more convinced if you can demonstrate that you and your partner on the same page, not that you ever need anyone else’s permission to seek whatever medical care you want for yourself. Best off, now there are two people arguing for the procedure, and the doctor is out-numbered.
- Be polite.It’s easy to get angry and defensive if a doctor refuses to cooperate, this refusal often involving unintentional rudeness and condescension as well as sexism and ageism. But yelling at the doctor won’t get you anywhere, except ejected from the building. Be firm, but not hostile. You may still be able to convince this doctor yet. If not, you may be able to at least get a referral to another doctor who might be more helpful.
- Don’t back down.Don’t let a doctor, or anybody else, talk you out of sterilization, or convince you to delay your pursuit until you’ve met some arbitrary requirement like age or marriage or number of children. Don’t let a doctor talk you into other forms of birth control instead (I did take a deal to use an IUD for 6 months before my doctor would agree to give me a tubal, but that was a bargain to get a tubal, not something I accepted instead of a tubal.) You decided on sterilization, and you mean to get one. It’s your body, don’t let anyone tell you want you can and can’t do with it. It’s your mind. Don’t let anyone else make it for you.If your doctor refuses to help, don’t wait for him/her to come around. Find someone else.
- Remember that you’rethe boss.You aren’t seeing doctors to ask permission to be sterilized. You’ve already decided to be sterilized, a decision which is exclusively your own decision to make. You’re simply looking for doctors to hire for the job. With that attitude, no doctor can deny you sterilization, but simply refuse to take the job. It’s the doctor’s loss then. Take your business elsewhere.Keep the trail warm. Every time you’re told “no,” by a doctor, try to at least get a referral. Don’t be discouraged. For every time you’re turned down, you build a history of pursuit. It’s hard for new doctors you see to deny your certainty when they see appointment after appointment with previous doctors in quest for sterilization. Giving up certainly won’t help, as doctors won’t just come to you.
- Whenyou do eventually find the right doctor, celebrate!Revel in your impending infertility and all the benefits it will bring you. And rejoice that all the time and effort you spent on your hunt, all the arguments and aggravation, has finally paid off for you. And don’t let anyone rain on your parade. Don’t rain on it yourself with nervous worry. Everything will be fine.Have a plan for when the day comes. If you’ve researched the procedure, you know how it will affect you. You may miss work for a few days, or you may just have to sit on some ice for a day. Make sure that you’ve made arrangements for a ride home, if you’ll need one, as well as someone to help you out for a day or two, if needed. It might also be a good idea to have easy food and entertainment prepared at home if you need to spend a few low-key days recovering.
Wow, I never thought my post, My Childfree Rules, would be so popular! I got a lot of “hell yeahs”s and other praises, for sure. That was certainly nice to see. I also seemed to earn a lot of haters too, many of which didn’t seem to have any real point of contention that they cared to name, but were nonetheless still certain that I was wrong anyway. That was at least entertaining. And within only a few days of being published, the post even managed to be plagiarized! What a turn-out!
I’ve decided to re-write my original list. Partially to kill some time, I admit, but mostly just to do it better. The original list that I wrote was pretty much farted out, something I added to now and then whenever I had a few minutes of spare time between tasks, and then decided to publish more or less as-is. I liked it quite a lot, but it was really only meant for me so quite a few people didn’t really “get it.” Looking back, some portions seem to have been just ambiguous enough in some for people to manage to read things into what I wrote that simply aren’t actually there.
I’m not rescinding or watering down any of my original rules. You can compare this post to my earlier one to confirm this. Every single rule translates over and to an equivalent degree of certitude. I stand by my words.
The difference is that here, I’m writing more clearly and specifically, and going into more detail in some places. Additionally, I found that I had a few more rules to add that weren’t part of my original list. As such, this list is significantly longer, written out, and so I’ve decided it would be most prudent to divide the list into multiple posts, rather than one super-long, page-eating one.
So here they are again, with some additions:
About Being Childfree
1. My first rule is that I am certainly childfree, meaning that I choose to never have children.
Indeed, I will never have children either by my own body or by adoption. This is what it means to be childfree. I might temporarily take care of the children of others, if extreme circumstances call for it (I am a “god(less)mother,” after-all,) but I will never play the role of mother in any sense. I could only be, at most, baby-sitter.
I do not accept being told that I could still have kids, either by changing my mind or by becoming accidentally pregnant. I will not change my mind. Some people are able to make solid, informed decisions and stick to them. I count myself as one such person. Moreover, I do not accept that kids “just happen.” They don’t – there is always a choice. In the highly unlikely even of an unintentional pregnancy, I’ll have an intentional abortion. My life is controlled by myself, not by chance.
I’ve heard people complain that the term “childfree” is “loaded” or “aggressive.” I don’t think that it’s either, I simply think that it’s unambiguous, straightforward and unapologetic and serves to make a clear distinction between people who choose to never have children, and people who are childless in general who may or may not also be childfree.
The biggest argument against use of the word “childfree” is that it paints having children (parenting) as undesirable. This argument is 100% correct. Yes, having children/being a parent is undesirable for me. Yes, having children/being a parent are negative things to me. That’s exactly why the word “childfree” is such a perfect term. And when I speak about being childfree, I stress the suffix “free” because that’s exactly what I am – free of a childed life. It’s impossible for me to talk about my childfree life without also referencing the alternative.
3. And yes, the word “childfree,” when referring to a person (rather than a place like a restaurant that bans children, for example, which would be more accurately labeled “child-free,”) does mean a person who has chosen to never have children, and no one else.
Making this distinction between such people and the childless in general seems to be the reason that the word was coined in the first place decades ago. And so when a parent hears the word, can’t be bothered to know the real meaning, decides it sounds hip, and wrongly uses the word to describe themselves after dumping the kids, or themselves prior to having kids, I will correct them. Being childfree is not a temporary state, but a permanent one. A person can no more be “temporarily childfree” when away from the kids that they have had than they can be “temporarily a virgin” if they’ve had sex before but aren’t screwing away at the given moment. (And yes, I understand the virginity myth issue, but it’s not a topic I’m trying to explore here as I’m just trying to make an analogy.)
A parent is the opposite of childfree, and they will always be. A parent is a parent no matter where the kids are. (And really, it seems a sad commentary on their opinion of their own children if a parent would describe themselves with a label meant to refer specifically people who never want to have children.) So upon correction, a parent can then either throw a hissy fit, declaring me to be some kind of dictator who thinks that I “own” words (because obviously, one must own words to know what they mean,) or they can take correction like mature adults and benefit from the learning experience, and thereby be good examples to their children.
4. I won’t be shy about being childfree either.
I won’t make a point of being careful not to let the cat out of the bag. No matter what the situation, I am very openly childfree. I won’t necessarily offer such information to people out of the blue, but I won’t hide the fact either. I am not “in the closet.” I’m quite proud of my decision and I don’t give a dirty diaper what anyone thinks about it. So if the topic comes up, I will be straight-forward about my decision.
If an awkward situation follows my disclosure, it won’t be because I spoke up about being childfree, it will be because another person failed to accept that.
5. I will speak up about childfree topics where appropriate in conversation and here on my own blog.
Because there IS something to talk about. Being childfree is not simply an absence of children, but is a completely different lifestyle from that of an adult. There is A LOT to talk about, because there is a lot going on in my life that is affected by this particular decision. I will not be silenced as if only topics related to parenting deserve discussion. Additionally, the harassment and downright discrimination faced by childfree people simply for not having children needs to be pointed out and addressed.
It seems common for people to say that there is nothing to talk about when it comes to being childfree, as if any topic must involve children to be worth discussion. This is nonsense, obviously, as a non-parent’s life is no less valid a topic. Incidentally, I’ve always wondered why people who make a point of commenting on CF articles, saying “who cares if your childfree?” bother to read and comment at all if, indeed, they do not care?
6. I will not try to appease people by appearing uncertain or unsteady about my decision to be childfree in the slightest.
I won’t let people think that children are a possibility by saying things like “I’m not ready,” “not yet,” “maybe someday,” nor will I give any hit that there is any chance at all that I might one day change my mind, or regret my decision. It is for this reason that I won’t even try to quell someone’s “concern” by saying things like I might adopt if I decide I want kids, because I will not make such a concession for the sake of someone else’s comfort.
When I was trying to get my tubal, as I was trying to convince the doctor, I told a lie. I said that if I ever change my mind about having kids, I’d adopt. It’s true that I think adoption is far superior to breeding new children for a plethora of reasons. But it isn’t true that there’s actually any chance at all I would want kids and adopt. I only said that to put the doctor at ease so that I could get what I wanted. I will never make such a concession again.
7. I am happily childfree, and will not pretend otherwise in order to make other people more comfortable with me or my decision.
I won’t say things like “I’m sorry, but I won’t be giving you grandkids,” because I’m not sorry in the slightest and won’t even use those words in the “I obviously don’t actually mean “sorry” literally and am just using a figure of speech” sort of way.
I won’t pretend to envy anything about parenthood. I simply don’t. Some CF people do claim to envy certain aspects of parenthood, and for all I know they could actually mean it. However, when asked about “pros and cons” of parenthood, I honestly can’t think of a single thing that I would consider a “pro.” I am not swayed by the unrealistic, fairy-tale portrayal (“Kodak moments”) of parenthood as is so popularly promoted in popular culture.
Not only do I not wish to be a parent, but I honestly can’t see why anybody ever would. Simply, I can no more relate to the appeal of parenthood, as a childfree person, than a strictly heterosexual person can really relate to the appeal of homosexuality. We can accept it for others, but do not “get it” in a personal way.
A “bingo” is a cliched argument. Arguments made against the childfree life are often referred to as “breeder bingo.” These arguments are so common and vacuous as to be nauseating, yet the people spouting them always seem to cave the conviction that they are both original and convincing.
So I will call someone out if they “bingo” me, and slap that bingo down. I won’t even pretend that they’ve made a valid point and I will shame them for their presumptuous attitude towards the goings-on my my uterus. Bingos are rude, so I feel no need to be polite in return on such an occasion.
9. I won’t use my sterility just to shut people up.
It seems common for childfree people to say “I’m sterile,” to make others feel awkward enough to drop the subject when the topic of breeding comes up. Indeed, I am sterile and will openly say so, but I won’t use that as an excuse. I am damned proud to have finally gotten my tubal ligation. I’m happy about it. I don’t want anyone to pity me in the slightest for it. And if I really want to end a conversation, I will be considerably more blunt about that desire.
If I do choose to mention my sterility at all, I will point out that it is a choice, a testament to how serious I am about my childfree position. And I would be childfree, sterile or not.
10. I will not offer my career or other ambitions as an excuse for being childfree.
It’s true that my major goals in life are likely incompatible with child-rearing, but that’s entirely besides the point. I do not have to be too busy to have kids. I do not have to have an excuse to opt out. My decision to never have kids can be fully independent of any other life goals that I might have.
The truth is, I’d be happy living out my days as a slacker, while never having kids. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live a comfortable life. Breeding isn’t a required complication in life that I need the excuse of a significant conflicting and equally consuming interest to opt out of. And really, having kids simply out of having nothing much better to do with one’s life is kind-of pathetic.
11. I will not allow anyone to press me for an explanation for why I am childfree as if I owe them any justification.
I have many, many reasons for deciding to be childfree, and I’ve written about them here before. However, I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any kind just because they want one. It is not for other people to judge whether or not my reasons are good enough. Consider this: who finds it acceptable to demand to know why someone wants to have kids, and argues against those reasons? Arguably, one would be more justified in this hypothetical scenario, I believe. Someone should have to have very good reasons to have kids, not to remain without them (the default.) Not only is having kids, as opposed to not having them, the major life change, but it’s the one that carries far-reaching consequences for everyone, including the new person to be forced into existence.
Some time back and not long after my tubal ligation, my boyfriend’s parents came to our home to visit us. It was a lovely visit, all things considered, and I’m glad they came by. However, at one point while I was cooking dinner in the kitchen and alone with BF’s mother, she asked me out of nowhere, “So why don’t you want children?” I told her that she was asking the wrong question. I don’t need a reason to not want children, but a reason to want them. Sufficed to say, I have never had one single reason to even consider having children. None. And as I recall, she didn’t have any convincing reasons to offer.
Incidentally, I’ve always wondered why she even bothered to ask me that as she knew that I’d already had a tubal ligation by then. Seriously, what was the point?
12. I will not refer to being childfree in a self-deprecatory, natalism-worshiping way in order to make others feel more comfortable.
I often see the choice to be childfree referred to in depreciating ways that seem engineered to give parents a big pat on the back. It’s like saying, “See how much I bend over backwards to praise you? I’m not threatening! Can I have some respect now, pretty-please?” I don’t play that game. “I’m not ready to have kids,” “ I don’t have what it takes (patience, sense of responsibility, etc) to have kids,” “I’m too selfish to have kids,” are all things that I’d never say. Simply, they aren’t true. The only thing that makes me someone who would not be a good mom is simply not having a desire to be a mom. I am not less as a person, in any way, than someone who happens to be a parent. And I won’t pretend that I am.
On a related note, nor will I pretend that parents are in any way superior beings, or that they necessarily posses the traits of selflessness, responsibility, etc, any more than anyone else. Arguably, breeding new children is a selfish action, and doing so in an overpopulated world is irresponsible. Note: I’m only referring to the action of breeding as being considered selfish and irresponsible, not the people themselves. There’s a difference.
13. I will not act as if being childfree is something that I should have to make up for in any way by involving children in my life in other ways, especially ways that go beyond what’s normal for the average person.
I don’t have any need to get a “kid fix,” nor do I feel a need to prove that I don’t really hate kids by having excessive involvement with them. It’s true that I like some kids, just as I like some adults. But that doesn’t mean that I have to be very interested in every single one that exists ever, or that I have to act like I absolutely need to have minors in my life somehow.
I’ve heard people talk about the childfree women needing “outlets” for our intrinsic maternal desires and “need to nurture.” I call bullshit. I am not defined as a woman by being a servant to others, but I have my own life. I try to help people, but that’s out of my nature of not being a prick, rather than any subverted mothering impulses. Seriously, the notion that the childfree or childless people must find alternative ways to be “mothers” in order to still be women is misogynistic and stupid.
14. I will not write the disclaimer, “I love children, but..” before expressing an opinion that sits in contrast to the natalism-worshipping sentiments people are used to encountering.
As it is, I don’t hate children, nor do I love them, in general. (I neither love nor hate adults in general.) Regardless, such a thing would likely be irrelevant to whatever statement follows anyway. Honestly, if someone is set on painting me as a childfree, child-hater, then it won’t matter much what I actually say or write anyway. That’s their problem, not mine. I really don’t give a fuck.
15. I will not concern myself with building bridges to the point of making concessions and generally being fake.
I will not censor myself, sugar-coat my words, feign interest or reverence, or in any way be fake for the sake of making others more comfortable. I will speak my mind openly, exposing discrimination, calling out entitlement-minded behavior, committing the grave sin of mentioning the elephant in the room – overpopulation, and ranting about general failures to parent. Indeed, although I consider this list, both what I’ve already said in this post and what is to come in future posts, relatively tame. Yet I’m sure people will find offense with my view that one must have a good reason to breed new children, my refusal to predicate statements with “I love kids, but…” as well as my refusal to degrade myself for the sake of congratulating parents (“I’m not X enough to be a mom.) I don’t go out of my way to be needlessly hostile, nor am I what any other unapologetic childfree fold would refer to as a “breeder-pleaser.”
Well, anyone who doesn’t like what I say is free to argue on the merits of my statements. However, anyone who simply doesn’t like that I have the audacity to challenge the pro-natalist status quo and has no valid points of contention about what I say but none-the less is offended that I’ve said it is free to grow a thicker skin/bugger right the fuck off.
Next- My Childfree Rules: My Personal Life
Have a merry, happy, holly-jolly…
- Bodhi Day
- Dongzhi Festival
- Saint Nicholas‘ Day
- Anastacia of Sirmium Feast Day
- Saint Stephen‘s Day
- Saint John the Evangelist‘s Day
- Saint Sylvester‘s Day
- Watch Night
- Saint Basil‘s Day
- Pancha Ganapati
- Dies Natalis Solis Invicti
- Guru Gobind Singh Gurpurab
- Old New Year
- Zamenhof Day
- Boxing Day
- New Year’s Eve
- New Year’s Day
- Flying Spaghetti Monster Holiday
- Snowflake Day
- Day of the Ninja
- Winter Solstice
Oh, yeah, now I remember, how silly of me!
Fuck you, American Family Association (why do hate-groups made up of Christians so frequently include “family” in their name?), you misogynist, homophobic, xenophobic, ignorant, fundamentalist pricks!
- Santa doesn’t care if you believe in him or not. He’s not that insecure.
- Santa rewards and punishes people based on their deeds, not whether or not they kissed his ass enough. (see #1.)
- Santa’s punishment is, at worst, coal. Santa never flooded the planet (Gen.7:21-22,) had pregnant women be ripped up and have their little ones dashed upon rocks (Hos.13:16,) and never threatened anyone with eternal torment in a fiery pit (Matthew 13:41-42.) Santa isn’t fucking psychotic.
- Santa’s reward for goodness is presents. Something practical that you can use. Something you can get every year. You don’t have to be dead to get it.
- Santa doesn’t want you to be good for him, or for the reward of presents, or for the fear of coal, but to “be good for goodness sake.”
- No one has ever killed, waged war, interfered with school curriculum, attacked science, or interfered with laws and government in Santa’s name.Nor has anyone used Santa as an excuse for bigotry against minority groups. You don’t see any “Santa hates fags” signs around, do you?
- None of Santa’s elves have ever gone rogue and waged war with the North Pole. Santa is a competent leader and keeps his people in line. Or maybe hanging with Santa is just better.
- Santa does not demand brutal human sacrifice on a cross. He’d just appreciate some milk and cookies. And maybe some carrots for the reindeer. Torture? He’ll pass.Oh, and he doesn’t want any of your money, either.
- NORAD tracks Santa every year. That’s just awesome.
You can also get your picture taken with Santa in stores. God has yet to pose with me or my dog.
- Although neither god nor Santa are real, no one judges your character for not believing in Santa.
I once thought that the Washington Post was a legitimate newspaper with actual journalists, integrity, and interest in facts. Evidently, I was wrong, as has been shown to me by the mere existence of an ongoing column, Higher Things, written by Vasko Kohlmayer, man so devoted to his religion that he has completely divorced himself from reality.
The column is pure fail right from the title of the very first article. “Atheist or agnostic: We all know God” … As I pried my hand away from where it had impacted my face, I could tell already that this was going to be painful.
After I managed to stop smacking my face with my palm every damned time I read that nonsensical title, I started to actually read the article. It’s just as illogical as the title would lead any rational person to expect. Hell, maybe it was even worse.
Kohlmayer starts with an anecdote, which was passed along to him from someone else (because those totally make for compelling evidence, right?) about someone he’s known who had back pain until he started talking to
himself god. A 55 year old man with back pain? It must be because he was an atheist. Obviously his relief couldn’t have come from his body’s natural ability to heal over time, or from the help he received at the hospital, it must have been GAWD!
And, being someone who believes the bible, you know that the author took this story as truth. Not only did this actually happen (no need to verify anything like a journalist might, but god heals everyone who asks (never-mind how many Christians yet have persistent health problems). Moreover, that this atheist man knew that there was a god to reach to in time of need, therefore all atheists secretly believe in god, an assertion that is the main thrust of the article.
Hilariously, the author tries to claim personal experience. He claimed to have once been an atheist who knew there was a god, despite the meaning of the word “atheist.” I always laugh when people try to claim to be former atheists. Maybe some exist, but for the most part the speaker is just misusing the word to refer to the time before they converted fully (or were “born-again”) to their particular religion. Yeah, not really the same thing.
To back of his point, he does what any theist does when they have no real evidence to support their assertions, he quotes the bible. Paul says that god can be clearly seen, therefore everyone secretly believes not only in god, but in this particular version of it. Oh, well, I’m convinced. If a character in a book said it (even a book that has zero credibility with me,) it must be true.
It’s difficult to make serious refutations when all a writer does is make nonsensical assertions, with only a fantasy book to back him up. The only response that an unsupported claim deserves is “no.” Like the claim that god exists, the claim that atheists secretly believe in god is completely without merit. That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
Seriously, the argument for the existence of god, in this post, boils down to “babies, flowers, sunsets, therefore GAWD!” I’m not kidding. I wish I was being facetious here, but I’m not. He really thinks that people secretly believe in god when they see those things.
Obviously, atheists and agnostics don’t believe in god. That’s what those fucking labels mean. I no more “know” that god exists than I “know” that leprechauns, unicorns, fairies, and elves do. Despite what this guy claims, I have never experienced god (no one has) even though I have tried very hard to while I searched desperately for an excuse to cling to the label “Christian” which had be foisted upon me by adults when I was a child. The assumption that I have had the “epiphany” of feeling god’s presence is pulled completely out of the authors own ass and has no basis in reality. He’s just making shit up.
I may as well say that the author secretly believes that the Wizards described in the Harry Potter books exist, simply because I do (as far as anyone knows, anyway,) and use the Harry Potter books themselves as evidence. Maybe I’ll even pass along a story from someone, who knew someone, who knew someone, who knew someone who had a broken arm, who cast a healing spell on herself and was healed (but of course it took several weeks.) Ta-da, Kohlmayer secretly believes in wizards. And he calls atheists ”self-deceived.”
I don’t secretly believe in your imaginary friend, jackass. Get over yourself. (Seriously, this sort of self-serving bullshit reminds me of all the natalism-obsessed people who obnoxiously insist that I want to ruin my finances, body, and life by having babies like them.) This guy has to believe that we secretly believe in god to make himself feel validated. Facing the fact that some people really don’t buy the religious bullshit that he’s fallen prey to might cause him to question the rationality of his own beliefs, and he can’t have that.
All atheists and agnostics secretly believe in this author’s particular version of god. Why? Because Kohlmayer is so insecure that he needs to believe that this is the case. Maybe, deep down, he knows that there really is no god and he’s only wasted years of his life on this bullshit.
There’s more where this load came from.