Colorado Springs will be the site of this misogynistic spectacle on June the second. It’s 2012 and people can still get away with blatant bigotry and people act like there’s nothing wrong. Not only is this event allowed and with no notable opposition, at least to my knowledge, but local businesses are openly supporting this attack on women without care.

Well, I care, and so should you. Please share this list and don’t do business with those who would oppose reproductive healthcare, STD prevention and treatment, accurate sexual education, contraception, and abortion care – all of which are necessary for healthy men, women, and children.

Here is a list of proud, corporate sponsors of this battle in the ongoing war against women:

Also listed were:

Big Air Jumpers, Chick-fil-A, New Geneva Theological Seminary, Ross Electric,ServiceMaster of Colorado Springs, Starbucks, Well Groomed Ground Maintenance

Yesterday, my family ventured to Bear-Creek Dog Park. We’d been there a few times before, and quite enjoy it. The park is HUGE. It has an area for large dogs and small dogs, as many parks do. There are clear areas, wooded areas, and a mountain-runoff creek running through for the dogs to play in. There are free donated balls is a basket, a bin of shopping bags for owners to have no excuse not to clean up after their dogs, drinking fountains for humans and dogs, a restroom with a lockout for dogs to wait in, benches, and picnic tables.

It’s nice to bring Molly out. She certainly enjoys the change of pace. Being outside is fun for her, there’s a lot to see and smell and the socialization with humans and dogs is good for her. As for myself, I enjoy seeing Molly have a good time. It’s also nice for me to get to a park, and one with so few children (no screaming!) It’s fun to look around, identifying different dog breeds is if I was at a car show and pleased to see models that I like. I get to see and play with more dogs than I could ever take in to my own home, and that’s quite nice. The other owners have nice chit chat about our dogs, training, care, and so on. Really, a good time is had by all.

Yesterday, it was hot. Whereas other days she either avoided the creek, or tried to cross it by hopping on rocks and avoiding getting her paws wet, she spent most of her day in the water yesterday. All we had to do to keep her entertained was throw her Frisbee in the water and she would jump happily jump right in after it.

We noticed that Molly is very non-confrontational. If another dog so much as came near her toy, she’d approach slowly to see if the other dog would take it. If another dog did take it, she wouldn’t try to grab it but would simply follow the dog around and wait for the dog to drop it so she could get it back. There was one dog in particular who would take Molly’s Frisbee, and then trot away from her casually. The owner said that dog is probably not really interested in the Frisbee but just likes to be chased and has actually learned to run slower just so other dogs could keep up. As for chasing, Molly was happy to oblige. At one point, another dog a bit larger than Molly invited her to play by wagging his tail and bowing, but also by barking and growling, which Molly evidently found intimidating. When the other dog would bark, Molly would run over to either myself or my boyfriend for safety, but wouldn’t bark or growl back. The barking dog simply found someone else to play with.

The tree of us then wandered the huge park, playing fetch as we went along. By the time we had circled the park and returned to our car, Molly was already mostly dry. Happily, we use a dog tarp in the back seat of our Pathfinder, so a moist and slightly muddy dog isn’t a problem, although we really should have brought a towel (Douglas Adams would be displeased to know we forgot one that day.)

It was a fun day. We’re always smiling at that park as we just have a great time. Best of all, it’s free. It’s a great way to spend an afternoon with our dear Molly.

I yelled at the asshole (for one thing, I was pissed, but I also wanted to make sure the neighbors heard, for my own safety, ) and asked him just how retarded he was (some people will criticize this as ablest, but in this circumstance, I didn’t much care,) and told him I’d call the cops. He shouted something like “Dunt git yo-sef mest up!” and “Call da cops!” but when I waved my phone, he sped off, leaving the area with another blast of his horn, like a douche. It was dark and I didn’t want to get too close to the car, so I couldn’t get a good description of it let alone a license plate, else I really would have called the cops. He was being an intentional nuisance, and it wouldn’t have surprised me if he was drunk too.

The driver was a male, either an older teen or something in the young 20’s, I’d guess, and clearly was not raised right. This is our current generation, ladies and gentlemen. These are the kind of losers today’s “parents” are raising.

My Boyfriend found the trail using AllTrails, and downloaded the map, which is a nice feature of the app. We had an embarrassing amount of trouble finding the trailhead, as the dropped pin on Google maps was about a mile off. After we passed the dropped pin, we pulled into a small parking lot on the side of the highway to turn around. After driving around a bit, unable to find the place, we realized that parking lot we turned around in was actually our trail head – doh!

Once we got going, and hiked far enough for the highway to be out of earshot, we quite liked the trail. We enjoyed the thick woods as well as the scenic views. The trail itself seemed well-maintained, which I surely appreciated. There was evidence that a tree had fallen onto the trail, but had been cut and moved out of the way. Further down, there was a nice bench made of polished logs made by a local scout troop

This was the first hike that Molly wore her dog backpack for. It fits a bit awkward on her as she’s too large for a small, but a bit too petite for the medium-sized pack that I bought. Still, it didn’t seem bother her at all, and she loves putting it on as she knows it means going somewhere fun (we’ve had her wear it to the dog park to get used to it.) It was really nice not to have to unpack ourselves to give Molly food and water when she needed it, she had that herself. In one side of her pack, she had her water, on the other side, she had her food and a collapsible bowl with compartments for food and water. You can carry your own things now, dog!

Sadly, as we had a late start, we weren’t able to complete the trail and had to turn back early. It was getting dark by the time we made it back to our car. It would be nice to return to this trail another time.

I’m sure that The American Coalition of Labor Reparations only means it as a Mother’s Day joke with their own website, but some people really do seem to have the attitude that offspring, as well as the world at large, really do literally owe mothers. It’s an attitude that’s never more apparent than on Mother’s Day. From a tradition that sprang from one church that was only about appreciating mothers in the congregation, following the death of one Sunday School teacher, (although there were earlier incarnations,) the day has become a widely recognized commercial monstrosity. It’s certainly a popular time for the most stuck up and entitled of mothers to make themselves out to be noble martyrs and saints, not only deserving of special recognition, but owed it. (Macaroni cards no longer cut it for everyone, it seems.)

Just about every year, there’s an article somewhere about how much moms, specifically stay-at-home moms are owed by society, financially. I couldn’t disagree with them more. These articles often go on about how man “jobs” a SAHM mom does: making dinner means being a chef, driving kids to school means being a chauffeur, placing band-aids and kissing boo-boos means being a nurse, etc (I wish I was making this up.) Funny, I do most of those same things at my home and take care of my dog, but no one calls it a job when I attend to my own basic responsibilities that come with my lifestyle. I certainly don’t call myself a mechanic and look around for someone to pay me when I change the oil in my own car. And as a mother’s kids and home are her responsibility, she’s simply doing for free herself what she could otherwise pay others for. It’s the parents’ own responsibility.

I always think this salary for SAHMs thing and their claims of holding various jobs must be some kind of ego-boost for not having an actual job, especially as working moms, who do all the same things while contributing to the family income, are often excluded (as are SAHMD’s interestingly, although their numbers are few.) As for being paid to be a SAHM, rarely does anyone suggest where the usually outrageous salary (calculated from the jobs a SAHM claims for perfuming menial tasks) is supposed to come from. I argue that SAHMs are already paid by their working partner in the form of the working partner paying the SAHM’s half of all bills.

I recently read a blog post written by an angry mom who got her panties in a twist because she overheard a stranger, who was not a mother, talk about enjoyable things she had planned for herself on Mother’s Day. Apparently, women who aren’t moms shouldn’t ever be given gifts or taken to dinner by their partners. The moms commenting were just as absurd. ‘A non-mother doesn’t deserve (they actually used the word “deserve,” indicating that they believe they, as moms, really do deserve material reward for breeding,) a spa visit – not on Mother’s Day!’ I challenged the group to explain how they were, in any way, affected by what anyone else does with their day. This question was not answered, the respondents choosing instead to whine about sleepless nights, a favorite complaint (as if no one else has them.)

Even though I do try to give my mom a friendly call on Mother’s Day, and usually manage to remember to send her something nice, I don’t think that I owe her any special praise or thanks or extravagant gifts for having me. I certainly don’t owe her financially, as the ACLR’s Labor (yes, that kind) reparations form satirically (I’m assuming it’s only meant as satire, as it suggest I not only owe mom a wage for every hour of labor, but also for me being born with an “innie” belly-button.) suggests. When I called my mother for mother’s day, she and I had a good laugh when the ‘what I owe’ calculator determined that I “owed” her at least $322, a figure reduced by 80% (down to $64) for calling her on Mother’s Day.

As I’ve written before, it was not my choice to be born. No one chooses to be born. Birth, existence, is forced upon us by our parents who did so either for their own reasons, or if not that, simple failure in prevention. Yes, I recognize everything my mom went through with pregnancy, labor, and birth. It all sounds most unpleasant, I think, although other’s call it “beautiful” for some reason. But anyway that was all  her choice, not mine. I don’t think I owe anyone just because they went through something unpleasant which I did nothing myself to cause. I’m not responsible for the actions of other people, especially actions that took place before I was born.

Moreover, as I’ve written before, I certainly do not consider myself to be benefited by being born. Sure, I get to be alive, which is usually tolerable and sometimes actually even enjoyable, but that also means that I will suffer and will inevitably die. Few people seem to consider before breeding that when they “give the gift of life,” they’re also indirectly giving death. Indeed, all the hard word that I must give in my life, all the pain that I will suffer, and my eventual end are all indirectly the fault of the people who forced me to exist in the first place in pursuit something that they wanted. And I’m supposed to be grateful for that?

As for taking care of me as a child, I don’t think that I really owe my parents for that either. They owed me. As I said, I didn’t ask to be born. Every need that I had I needed because of my parents. It was their responsibility to provide for those needs as it was their fault I had needs to be met. It was their compensation to me for forcing me to be. I could well argue that this is a debt they continue owe to me for the rest of my life, as I continue to have material needs, but I don’t actually regard the situation in that way in practice. All I owed my parents for were things that were above and beyond, and I do thank and repay such things accordingly.

More than owing their own children, I argue that moms (and dads) owe society as well. After all, breeding drastically increases a person’s carbon footprint, not only because of necessary lifestyle changes that must come with having children, but those children will leave their own footprint, as will their children, and so on. The same is true for resource-consumption. In an already heavily overpopulated, polluted, and resource-starved world, that’s a pretty big deal. Then, from an economic viewpoint, families with children are more likely than those without to be a bigger drain on government spending as the government spends a great deal on children and parents in many ways (WIC, welfare, child tax credit, public schools, various public assistance programs, etc,) and this, when totaled, may be more than that family contributes in taxes. This is especially true in the case of SAHMS, despite articles insisting that they deserve a salary. I argue that they’re more likely to be an economic drain as they aren’t paying taxes (unless they’re only SAHMs for a short time or work from home,) but will benefit from those people who do so. Maybe the real question is, what do moms (and fathers as well, parents in general) owe the rest of the world?

(Note: The exceptions to all of this are people who foster and/or adopt.)

I gave my mom a call to say “Happy Mother’s Day.” (I haven’t quite picked out a gift for her yet.) But I don’t do this because I feel that I owe her anything just for being my mom – I don’t. I do it because, apart from being my mom, she’s a generally nice person and someone who I, as an adult, like to consider a friend. She’s pretty awesome as a person.

And, since I’m such a great daughter, I won’t even mention what she owes me for birthing me.

“You shouldn’t get sterilized. Maybe you don’t want kids, but what if one of your gay friends needs a surrogate?”

Even after all this time, I’m still just astounded by this particular bingo, and not because it’s sensible or convincing at all, far from it. Whereas other, more common bingos are stupid in predictable ways, this one takes a completely different, yet none-the-less ridiculous , approach to reducing me to a mere person-factory, rather than an actual person.

Well, this person first assumes that I have gay, male friends, which it just so happens that I do, not that this person would have had any way of knowing that. The following assumption is that my gay male friends would, first, want children, and, second, view their female friends as vending machine wombs for such a purpose. Not only am I expect to actually consider such a person as a friend at all, but I, as a woman, a friend to gay males, should agree that I am, indeed, a vending machine, and keep myself open for business just in case. The sexism on display is astounding, and especially so when coming from the keyboard of someone who claimed the title of “feminist” who, evidently, didn’t see the glaring problem with his/her words. That is just sad.

I am no stranger to vending-machine-type bingos. I remember that the first time I spoke with an OB/GYN about getting a tubal ligation, he made a point of asking about my partners. I write “partners” plural because he wanted to speak both about my actual boyfriend, as well as a hypothetical “Mr. Right” who could not have been my boyfriend. I was insulted that any man, real or imaginary, should even be considered at all when it came to my body. Yet, I was asked if I was married, then, when the answer was “no,” if I had a boyfriend, “yes.” “And how does he feel about this?” As it just so happened, by boyfriend doesn’t want children either, not that it matters, as it isn’t his decision what I do. Then the OB/GYN asked “What if you meet the right guy, and he wants kids?” As if someone who wanted kids could ever qualify as “the right guy” for me in the first place.

In these bingos, it’s always what he (whoever such a “he” might be) wants that matters most, and I’m a silly girl for not considering him first. The presumption was that what a man, any man, real or not, wants to do with my body is always more important to consider than what I want with my own body. Worse still, this argument is handed to me smugly, as if I really should agree with such a sexist denial and dismissal of my own autonomy. It’s bad enough when this bingo is offered with the man being a hypothetical partner of mine, but now I’m even expected by the bingo first mentioned to find even a hypothetical man who is only even a friend to have more right to my body than I have myself. As a woman, I am to view what I want for myself as less important than what any man wants to do with me, even in the case of men who aren’t even real.

What an awful, misogynistic world.

Edit: My boyfriend read and shared this post. When he and I discussed it, we talked about how to accompanied me to an appointment with another OB/GYN (not the one spoken about in this post.) He was expecting this doctor to ask him what he thought about me getting a tubal ligation. He supports my decision, but would have firmly told the doctor, had he been asked, that what I do is entirely my own business not his (my boyfriend’s.) Happily, this doctor never did asked and was the one who ultimately provided the tubal ligation procedure for me. 

Not a “family car”

How Selfishly Childfree And Immorally Atheist People Car Shop

I got a new car last week. I wasn’t exactly planning on buying a car that day, but I did. I was actually just browsing lots with my boyfriend, trying to figure out how we could help some friends of ours out who had found themselves in a sticky situation. Our friends are a family of three (the child is my “god(less)son,”) who, unfortunately, were having a bit of trouble. They had only one car, a two-seater, which didn’t fit their seating needs. Recently, this car was damaged beyond drivability in an accident, which wasn’t my friend’s fault. They had no budget to fix the car or buy a new one. And not having a car is a big deal for anyone.

So, my boyfriend and I browsed lots. Eventually, we stumbled upon a bright red 1986 Nissan 300ZX in excellent condition with only 78K miles. It had apparently been in a garage and under a tarp since the year that I was born. The body was in near perfect shape, the interior was luxurious, and it was beautiful under the bonnet too. We took it for a test drive immediately and it was just a dream. The asking price was out of the range of my friends, but very affordable for myself. It was a little hard to find financing for a car so old, as it was difficult for companies to ascertain its value, but I eventually got it and drove the car home that very night. Score.

As for my friends, well, I no longer needed my 2005 Chevy Aveo. It wasn’t a great car by any means, and wouldn’t be even if it was in perfect condition, which it was not, I admit. But it ran fine and safe and easily seated five and had deceptively ample boot space for groceries. My friends joked about donning robes and starting a cult around me after I agreed to gift the Aveo to them for free.

I think we always have a soft spot for our first car. I’ll remember my Aveo fondly. It has served me well, allowing me the freedom to leave post, have fun, go shopping, move, and get to work. And, despite some unfortunate neglect, it has never let me down. And now that humble Aveo has moved on to aid someone else. So a car that a friend of mine once sold me to help me out when I was a young, lonely soldier in need of transportation but unable to get financing (due to having no credit history at the time,) is now faithfully serving someone else in need.

Goodbye, my “Brave Little Toaster.”

It’s times like this I wish I was still doing my 365 Good Deeds Challenge series. (I only quit that because some days I stayed home and didn’t really go anywhere or do anything.) This deed has to be worth at least a few, I figure. What was that about atheists having no reason to be good without god and childfree people being selfish? Fuck you, stereotypes.

ANYWAY, I’m not writing talk myself up. Truth be told, I’ve been meaning to replace my Aveo with something better for some time now anyway, but couldn’t justify spending the money when my Aveo still ran just fine. This was just a nice excuse for me. And I did find something better. Much better, in fact. And I’m glad that I did.

1986 Nissan 300ZX. My boyfriend and I are both fans of BBC’s Top Gear, so my boyfriend jokingly calls my new car “the pornographer’s car.” As long as he doesn’t throw my T-tops into a ravine, we’re good. We’ve also joked that it was a time-traveling car, as it is in new condition over two decades after its creation.

My “new” car is actually older than I am (the “88” in my user name isn’t some Nazi reference, as a few dumb trolls have suggested. It’s the year of my birth.) However, it’s in just marvelous condition, inside and out. I do believe the dealer (something I’m reluctant to ever do) when he said that the previous owner had been storing the vehicle safely in a garage for years before finally trading it in for a Corvette. The only thing I can think to do with the 300ZX is replace the muffler, which isn’t actually a problem as it is.

My boyfriend and I were already admiring the 300ZX when the dealer came out to greet us. He didn’t even try to direct us towards “family cars,” despite us being obviously a couple. Not once did the dealer even mention children. There must be something about us that just screams “childfree.” Or, more probably, the dealer simply didn’t want to talk us out of a car we were already interested in.

Whereas a car that only seats two is a problem for a couple with a child, as was the case with the friends that I mentioned earlier, it’s just perfect for a childfree family. My boyfriend and I didn’t really need 14 seats between three vehicles for just us and a dog, which is what we had before. Losing three seats isn’t a problem for us.

The 300ZX is nice! I got the non-turbo model, but it’s still quite fast. Judging by the condition, I doubt many horses have escaped over the years. I love the nearly flawless red paint on a sexy body, and the locking T-tops on the roof are very nice. The interior is lovely, with cloth seats with lumbar support on the driver’s side, and a leather dashboard with an orange-lit instrument panel. I feel like I’m driving a James Bond car. Or maybe it’s Night-Rider, as the voice of “Bitching Betty” helpfully informs me when I leave my lights on, like an idiot. Unlike my old Aveo, my 300ZX has an alarm, central locking, power windows, cruise control, and speakers that are actually work very well. Happily, it costs even less to insure than my Aveo did, even with full coverage.

The only downsides for me are going to be getting used to driving a manual, and getting used to having a long bonnet. I might also need a pedal extender for the clutch as I’m a bit short. These are very minor things, which I will get over. All in all, it’s a fantastic car, and a definite step up from my previous car. This is the best car that I’ve ever driven. I’m very excited to have it. My boyfriend, who drives an 05 Pontiac GTO, tells me he’s slightly jealous. I’m a bit proud of that.

That’s the nice thing about being childfree. I can just go out and buy a car, and pay it off quickly. Being childfree doesn’t mean that I’m rich, I’m certainly not. But I don’t have the financial burden of children. More than that, I can buy whatever car that I want and can afford, with little concern for seating or storage space, which is something I would have to think about had I a larger family. Additionally, I can do this without much worry that the interior will be ruined in the same manner that my young self mindlessly ruined my parents’ cars, which I regret very much in hindsight. I can have nice things. I can have fun things.

I’m not bragging. If it sounds that way, I can’t really help it as there’s not really any other way to tell this story. It’s just that buying the car has made me think about being childfree a little more. See, some people who don’t understand what being childfree is all about, and see it as merely the absence of children, don’t get what there is to talk about when it comes to the topic. “What does it matter? Who cares?” (Although, a significant number of people DO appear to care, hence the bingos and unkind stereotypes.)

This car situation between my friends and myself is an excellent example of why it matters. Childfree means more than simply not having children around, it means having a completely different lifestyle, and different options, because there are no children to consider. Being childfree has allowed me to purchase a car that I just love, which I probably would have never even been able to consider were I a mother, for a number of reasons. And being childfree helped put me in a position of being able to lend help to others in this particular situation. At my current income, if I had a child, I couldn’t have afforded to buy the car that I did. I certainly couldn’t have afforded to just give my old one away for free. Similarly, being parents made my old Aveo far more valuable to my friends than it ever was for me, even with its faults.

I would never say that I am better than anyone else for being childfree. I’m not. But being childfree is certainly better for me, personally, which is something that I’ve always known. I will remember this story the next time someone accuses me of being “selfish” or “immoral” for being childfree and an atheist, respectively. And when someone tells me I don’t know what I’m missing for not having children, I’ll laugh as I drive away in my shiny, red sports car.

Live the life you want to live and be happy. If you’re able to, help the people you can help, not because you think a god is watching and not because you expect reciprocation later, but because it’s the right thing to do. Fuck stereotypes. I know I’m not selfish or immoral, and I don’t need this, or any other story, to prove it. Haters gonna hate.

Now all I have to do is learn how to drive a manual…

But never-mind that, it doesn’t really much matter. What does matter, it the question posed by Cisneros’ post:

Readers, I’d like to hear what you think about this subject.

Tell Me: Have you ever considered (permanently) opting for pets over kids?

She walks herself!

False dichotomy. You’ll never get a real answer until you ask the right question. I’m childfree and have one dog, but I did NOT choose pets over kids any more than I choose driving a sports car over being slapped in the face. That is, the two things have little to  nothing to do with each other. Sure, I prefer one over the other, but that doesn’t mean that I chose one over the other.

I like dogs. Even if I had kids (which I never want)  I’d still have dogs. Many people who do have kids also have pets. It’s not like people can only have one or the other. On the other hand, even if, for some reason, I had decided to never have pets, I still wouldn’t want kids. It’s not like I’m required to have either.

I like pets. They bring me a lot of joy and enrich my life. They’re a lot of work too, if the owner is responsible. If I had kids, it would likely negatively impact my ability to adequately care for my dog, as well as diminish that dog’s quality of life. It would be unfair to my dog to bring children into my family, which, again, I would never want to do anyway.

I don’t much care for children. Pets or no, children would be nothing but an unpleasant burden to me. I shudder to think of how much I would miss out on in life if I ever became a mother. Short visits from the children of my friends is about all that I can tolerate. It’s not that I “can’t handle” parenthood, it’s that it’s totally undesirable to me. There are lots of things that I could handle, if I had to, but would rather just avoid entirely. I can’t imagine wanting to ruin my life (and having kids would ruin my life,) and contribute to the continued destruction of our already overpopulated world, by breeding like some unneutered stray animal (overpopulation is not just a problem for cats and dogs!).

I chose to have something great for me. I chose not to have something horrible for me. But to say that I chose pets over kids is ridiculous