Category Archives: LGBTA

Parenting Fails: Don’t Let Bigotry Win, Buy Girl Scout Cookies

Last fall, a Colorado Girl Scout troop admitted a 7-year-old transgender child, Bobby Montoya, after excluding her for some time. In a refreshing turn towards progress, the Girl Scouts of Colorado released a statement welcoming transgender children. I’d call that a major win. Cheers to the young GIRL, and to her family, friends, and other supporters. 

Oh, but did the Chicken-Littles of the world ever shit their pants. Three Girl Scout leaders in Louisiana had a hissy fit and disbanded their groups (because they evidently didn’t give a shit about their own scouts,) and even described the inclusion of the transgender child as “almost dangerous,” as ridiculous as that is.

But the bitchfest didn’t end there – Oh, no! One transphobic scout, Taylor, out in California is trying to organize a boycott of Girl Scout cookies because she can’t stand that the girl scouts includes all girls including transgirls. Yes, this transgender child is a girl, despite the body that she was born in. And of course, Taylor, like the other Chicken Littles, also implies that including transgirls is somehow unsafe, yet declines to actually explain how. So much for “girls of good character.”

In some remarkable irony, she cites a publication stating the importance of girls being able to talk to other girls about things they couldn’t talk about to boys, and also the importance of someone being free to be themselves. Somehow, she doesn’t see how these same things apply to the young transgendered child.

I don’t care how old (14, evidently) this little bigot is, Taylor is a nasty bitch. Either her parents have utterly failed to raise her with any common sense or decency, OR her parents actively coach and encourage her intolerance. Either way, this is a mighty disgusting parenting fail.

Fuck this little brat’s cookie boycott. I’ll be buying plenty of extra Girl Scout cookies this year. Cheers to young Bobby Montoya.

Support the Girl Scouts. Support equality. Support Progress. Support LGBT rights. Buy some damned cookies. 

ETA: Please check out this awesome plea to not support the cookie boycott made by a transgendered former Girl Scout.

The Asexual Privilege Checklist

WARNING! This is a somewhat long post, so for anyone in a hurry, I’ve devised a way to save you some time. The post (and entire blog) that I’m responding to is so simplistic and nonsensical that I can sum it up in image macros and do so in the style the blogger ey’s self likes to use to misrepresent out-groups ey doesn’t understand. The difference is, mine do represent ey’s writings, as I will demonstrate.

Edit: When I made these macros, I didn’t realize that the colors the smug stock-man is standing in front of are actually the asexual flag. I only used the image because it’s the one the blogger used in similar macros to misrepresent asexuals. I could re-make these, but, frankly, at the time of writing, I’m over this shit. Just ignore the backgrounds. 

As I was browsing through AVEN, I came across a link to a blog that seems to exist solely to rail against asexuals for being less discriminated against than non-asexual, non-heterosexual people. I wasn’t aware there was a competition. I don’t deny that asexuals haven’t suffered the systematic persecution that homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals (and any other group that might self-identify as queer) has, but that doesn’t make the oppression asexuals do face acceptable, nor would it be wrong of an asexual person to bring it up in discussion, and it doesn’t make it wrong for an asexual person to identify as queer.

I was immediately faced with The Asexual Privilege Checklist. Ok, well those who have privilege are often blind to it, and I’ve certainly seen examples of asexual privilege first-hand myself. Of course one doesn’t have to be asexual to be sex-negative (not that many-asexuals are,) but it helps, apparently. When my friend Angie had a LIFE-SAVING abortion, she was told by many misogynists to keep her legs closed, something men are rarely told (it’s all about controlling women.) However, one misogynist saying that saw fit to point out that he was asexual, as if that gave him some kind of moral superiority when it came to sexual relations and entitled him to tell Angie what to do with her own body when it came to sex. Sex is a normal, healthy aspect of adult relationships. It was easy for that one asexual person to ignore that fact.

Such an example would still have represented an extreme minority example asasexual does not equal anti-sexual or sex-negative, but it at least would have been food for thought on how some asexual people might not be as likely to understand how important sexuality is in the lives of non-asexuals. However, we got no such thing. What we got was a steaming pile of vacuous crap that only served to demonstrate the blogger’s own ignorance, hate, and plain immaturity.

To be fair, I’ll take note of a few things before I begin. For one thing, this list is, as I’ve heard, a response to an asexual person who wrote an article about sexual (as in non-asexual) privilege. Second, only part of this list was written by the blogger. The last few items were submitted by other people (at the end of the list, the blogger asked for suggestions for additions to the list.) However, I operate under the assumption that the blogger agreed with the statements as ey consciously added them to the list, so I will treat them no differently than I would any of ey’s (I have no idea how to use this pronoun. I’ll explain in a second.) own words. Third, I will throughout this writing refer to the blogger with gender-neutral pronouns as this person identifies as genderfluid and explicitly expressed a preference for “ey/em/eir”. I’m not too familiar with the correct grammatical use of such pronouns, so expect possible errors.

The Asexual Privilege Checklist

1. Because I’m asexual, I don’t have to worry about being called a slut. If someone does call me a slut anyway, it doesn’t matter, because I know that they’re wrong.

Women are often called sluts as a generic insult. I know I have been called that by numerous people, even while still a virgin. That’s what comes with being female. I guess not having to worry so much about that is male privilege.
A non-asexual could also be assured that they’re not a slut if called on as well.  

2. As an asexual, I don’t have to worry about becoming pregnant or impregnating anyone, or about STDs.

Um, yeah asexuals do. Why wouldn’t they? Many asexual people still do have sex, and some even enjoy it.
Anyone, asexual or not, would have little worry about any of those things so long as they’re in a monogamous relationship and take appropriate precautions.

Even still, a celibate non-asexual would have no worry about those things. Sex isn’t a necessity for living, it’s a risky behaviour people choose to engage in. There’s no reason to say that people not interested in engaging in a risky behaviour are privileged over those who do.
And of course anyone, asexual or not, still faces the possibility of being raped. But I suppose you weren’t factoring that in as there’s no reason to act like asexuals are just immune to rape.  

3. If I’m a demisexual woman, I can rest assured knowing that I fit into the category that society deems most appropriate for a woman:  One who will not have sex unless in a committed, monogamous, usually marital relationship.

Oh, look, someone who doesn’t know what “demisexual” means. And nice job throwing in some sexism there for good measure.  More male-privilege, or at least, acknowledgement of male-privilege in society.
(Note: I’m not calling the blogger male when I talk about male-privilege. The sexist ideas about women (that we’re not supposed to enjoy sex, or that we’re immoral sluts if we do) would be an example of male-privilege even if it came from the mouth of a cisgendered female)
Furthermore, women abstaining until marriage hasn’t been the norm for a very long time.

4. While I may be made fun of or shunned by individual people, I don’t have to worry about being systematically discriminated against for my sexual orientation the way queer people do. For example, no country has laws that make it okay to sentence asexuals to death.

As far as I know, no country has gone off and invaded another country, rounded up all the homosexuals, chained them up in ship in filthy conditions, and sold them into slavery where they and their offspring remained and, even if freed, weren’t allowed to vote. I guess you can’t talk about being discriminated against if you’re only homosexual because Africans had it worse, right? It’s not hard to see why this is nonsense. 

5. I am not considered a bad influence on children because of my sexual orientation.

Actually, yes, asexuals can be accused of being bad influences on children just for being asexual. And that’s if people even acknowledge asexuality. Asexuals are also prone to being accused of being gay and therefore subject to all the marginalization that entails.
Even a heterosexual person could be accused of this, whether such accusations are true or not, especially if that person is female and has the audacity to enjoy her sexuality.
Calling a non-straight person a bad influence on children is indeed a grave insult, isn’t it? But you know it isn’t true, like a hypothetical asexual would know that being called a slut isn’t true. By the logic of #1, this shouldn’t bother you, right?

6. I can obtain access to queer-only spaces without experiencing the discrimination and oppression that queer people experience. (submitted by anon)

In other words “You’re not as queer as me (by my own standards) so you’re not in the club!”  Actually, that’s what this whole Privilege Denying Asexuals blog (yes, ey’s made an entire blog for it, ey’s that but-hurt) is all about. It’s all one big “Waaaaaaaah! I have it worse, therefore what you go through doesn’t matter!”

7. If I’m heteroromantic, I am free to ignore my straight privilege even though I only have relationships with men if I’m a woman, or women if I’m a man. (submitted by anon)

In our society, straight is considered the default. Unless I walk around with a sign on my chest declaring otherwise, people will tend to assume I’m straight whether I’m asexual, homosexual, bisexual or, indeed, straight.  Incidentally, heteroromantic =/ heterosexual (straight.) Seriously, look it up. 

8. I can employ words like “privilege” and “oppression” to gain control of social justice discussions without knowing what they actually mean in a non-Tumblr social justice context. (submitted by graftversushost)

Right, because clearly asexual people can’t have any idea what those words mean.

9. When queer people tell me that I am not entitled to call myself an anti-LGBTQ slur, I can quote the dictionary definition of that slur at them to support my case. (submitted by graftversushost)

Oh, no, how dare asexuals use FACTS to make a case! Oh, wasn’t the last accusation, #8, about asexuals supposedly not knowing what words mean? Make up your mind! Is accurate word-usage (not that the examples is #8 actually are inaccurate) necessary or unacceptable? It can’t be both!
You might think that ey’s saying that the word queer is derogatory and people shouldn’t use it. That would be a valid argument if not for the fact that the blogger eyself self-identifies as “a very angry queer person” so WTF?!

That is the complete list at the time of writing, but as the blogger is asking readers for suggestions, and has apparently received a few already, I expect it could grow more.

I don’t deny that I do have certain privileges. I’m white, American many generations removed from my immigrant ancestors, middle-class and employed, cis-gendered, and people tend to assume I’m straight and Christian even though I’m neither. I also am subject to marginalization for being non-Christian,  non-heterosexual (although few people know that,) female, childfree, and liberal (which, in some insane circles, is like admitting to being a baby-eater or something.) I bet even the person who made this list fits has some privileged groups as well. That doesn’t make his marginalization any less valid.

How about this, a non-asexual privilege checklist.

1. As a non-asexual, I don’t have to bother to learn a single thing about what asexuality is. Nor do I have to learn about demisexuality, particularly as it relates to asexuality.

2. As a non-asexual and a member of a marginalized group, I get to belittle the marginalization asexuals face because it’s not as bad as mine!

3. As a non-asexual, I get to contribute to the marginalization of asexuals and encourage others to do the same. That’s what out-groups are for, right?

Intolerance From Improbable Sources

For some reason, I have a tendency to expect that marginalized people would be more tolerant of other marginalized groups. Maybe it’s because I tend to clump all out-groups together when talking about tolerance. Maybe that’s a mistake. It really irks me when I see some bigoted nonsense from someone who is sometimes the subject of bigotry for being a member of whatever group they belong to. What’s even more irritating is when people engaging in bigotry feel the need to identify what out-group they belong to, as if being someone subject to bigotry makes their own bigotry valid.

For example, a while back I wrote a few posts on my blog about being childfree. I explained that I never wish to have children, my reasons why, and responded to a few common “bingos” that I get from people who want me to have kids anyway. A harmless enough post, I thought. Then someone shows up and, in a series of comments and a post on their own blog, calls me “selfish” a “cold-hearted bitch” and insists that I must have had a bad childhood. They did all of this before I could even respond. Oh, but it was all OK because this person, in their first attack, identified herself as transsexual, as if it really lent any credibility to her accusations. This was a few weeks back.

Yesterday, another person was attacking a friend of mine, Angie, on her YouTube channel. Angie had a very difficult pregnancy a few years back, which she didn’t notice until very late. She almost died carrying this pregnancy, and her pregnancy barely made it. She was told that if she attempted to carry another pregnancy, she and the embryo/fetus would most probably die. She now has a son, a very sweet child, who is special needs. Soon after his birth, she divorced her abusive, rapist husband and is now a single mother. She can’t find work due to her disability, and yet has once again been turned down for social security. She had an IUD placed, a contraceptive device that remains in the uterus for years, and has a rate of effectiveness at preventing pregnancy comparable to surgical sterilization.

Well not long ago, it failed, and she became pregnant. Ok, so let’s get all this together. She’s poor, a single mother, has a special-needs child, was using a very reliable form of contraception, and would be killed by attempting to carry a pregnancy, which would certainly not survive either. Of course, she had an abortion. She took RU486 very early. She talked about it on her blog, her YouTube channel, and her twitter. She had the audacity to not be ashamed about seeking a save medical procedure that 1/3 American women will have at some time during their lives. And she’s paid for it, receiving hate mail and even death threats.

Her latest hater piles on the usual “slut-shaming” and religious dogma, paying no attention to how abortion saved her life. This person felt the need to point out that they are asexual(which, as an asexual person myself, is extremely embarrassing,) as if that makes their nonsense valid.

Note to the world, being a member of a marginalized group doesn’t give you the privilege to be a bigot to others.

Anti-Childfree: A Challenger Appears

At the conclusion of my Anti-Childfree Clichés series, I thought I was done dealing with combative attitudes towards the choice to be childfree, at least for the time-being.

But no, sadly one angry commenter on my other blog clearly didn’t pay any attention to the point of the series and went on to attack me for challenging someone else’s prejudice.

As with the Anti-Childfree Clichés series, it was a matter that has taken multiple posts to deal with and rather than repost it all here, I’ll simply provide links to the three parts.

On a related note, I am just so sick of attention-whores and drama-queens. It’s just so hard not to feed the trolls when the ridiculous things they say are just begging for a smack-down.

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