What I Regret About Being Childfree (MOVED!)

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Posted on 2013/03/28, in Bingoed, childfree, Humor, Parenting Fails. Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. Standing Ovation from this girl !

  2. I “regret” getting to turn the 3rd spare bedroom (a kids room when we bought the house) into al 11×14 walk in closet adorned in all of the shiny, crystal encrusted, glittery, overly girly, breakable décor I want, and filling it with all of my delicate, dry-clean only, non-bodily fluid covered, designer clothes. I know it is a really tough life to live, but someone has to do it.

    And before all of the trolls attack, yes, I am selfish and shallow. No doubt about it. But we all had the same choice. I chose not to make babies so that I can have the things I want and free time. You chose to make babies and give up some material things and free time. We all made our beds, so let’s all sleep in them. Mine just happens to be covered in a 1,000 thread count down comforter (I “regret” that too).

    • my sentiments exactly! I am right there with ya:) I too made our 3rd bedroom into an amazing closet and fun space for myself. :)

  3. As I approach age 50, there are actually some real things I regret about being childfree. I have a number of things passed on from my grandparents. There are me and my sister and two cousins in this this generation, and only one of us had children. I wonder, when I die, to whom should go the things, both valuable and sentimental, that I have been given. They include my father and grandfather’s military service honor flags, the saris my grandmother brought back from India, the cookbook that my Bubbe’s synagogue published in 1944. There are other things more ephemeral. My grandfather told two jokes every year at Passover. Had I had children, I would have continued this tradition. When I read Adam’s Curse, I was struck by a deep sadness that my grandfather’s y-chromosome died out when my father did not have any sons. (My mother’s mitochondrial DNA continues in the granddaughters of her female cousin.)

    None of this changes the knowledge that I would not have been a good parent, and that I never wanted to have children. You don’t have kids so that you can foist your memorabilia on them when you die. It’s a bit like Girl Scout cookies. If you have a daughter, you can put her in scouting and have easy access to cookies. If you don’t have a daughter, you have to make more complicated plans. I don’t regret the major decisions of my life, but I do feel sad at some of the natural consequences.

  4. As I approach age 50, there are actually some real things I regret about being childfree. I have a number of things passed on from my grandparents. There are me and my sister and two cousins in this this generation, and only one of us had children. I wonder, when I die, to whom should go the things, both valuable and sentimental, that I have been given. They include my father and grandfather’s military service honor flags, the saris my grandmother brought back from India, the cookbook that my Bubbe’s synagogue published in 1944. There are other things more ephemeral. My grandfather told two jokes every year at Passover. Had I had children, I would have continued this tradition. When I read Adam’s Curse, I was struck by a deep sadness that my grandfather’s y-chromosome died out when my father did not have any sons. (My mother’s mitochondrial DNA continues in the granddaughters of her female cousin.)

    None of this changes the knowledge that I would not have been a good parent, and that I never wanted to have children. You don’t have kids so that you can foist your memorabilia on them when you die. It’s a bit like Girl Scout cookies. If you have a daughter, you can put her in scouting and have easy access to cookies. If you don’t have a daughter, you have to make more complicated plans. I don’t regret the major decisions of my life, but I do feel sad at some of the natural consequences.

    • Angela Anderson

      Well if i was you, i would gather few friends and have a few of then take a couple odd things if they like, then just burn the rest. Who cares if anyone remembers you after you die, or if you have left a child, life is about making sure you feel fulfilled. Let go of your worldly treasures and get ready for the mystery of the afterlife!

      • Julie Was Here

        There is no afterlife. This is the only life you get. Better make the most of it.

  5. Well, you asked.

    I regret that I had the time and money available to go back to school and earn my master’s degree. I also regret that I had the peace in the house to study and graduate with a 4.0.

    I regret that I was able to take a semester off from teaching to write a novel. i regret that my wife’s income was sufficient for us to live, and live pretty well if not frugally, so I could write it.

    I regret that we can relocate to Colorado this summer without having to think about taking the kids out of school. I also regret that we can move anywhere in the greater Boulder area without considering the school districts. I regret that our choices of where to live will be based on the proximity of bookstores, conversational taverns, healthy places to eat, and quiet.

    I regret that our entire apartment is one big love nest. Sigh. I wish we could be confined to ten minutes in our bedroom after the kids have gone to sleep and we’re exhausted, but alas, we can’t.

    I regret that I haven’t passed my warped brain chemistry onto another generation.

    I regret that no one has ever pulled my cats’ tails.

    I regret that our vacations consist of roadtrips to see friends in places we have never been, instead of routine trips to see family again.

    I regret that my wife and i get to cuddle on the couch and have to decide whether to watch Beauty and the Beast (we like Disney animated movies) or the latest softcore porn.

    I regret that there are no crayon marks in any of my antique books.

    I regret that I still have all my hair. Okay, so it turned white, but it never fell out from stress nor did I pull it out.

    I regret that I have only said “Turn that noise down!” once in my life. It was to my hard of hearing father, who was watching some depressing news show at too loud a volume for my tastes.

    I regret that I have never lost my sense of wonder and excitement at this world. Every sunrise, every sunset, every smile on someone’s face, every work of art, is just another joy.

  6. I regret having too much space in my house that I can fill with whatever I want. I regret that we just packed up and moved across the country last year without having to worry about school districts or pulling kids out of school. I regret spending my time and money on baseball tickets and hockey games rather than pediatricians and daycares.

    Just a few…

    The Kidless Kronicles

  7. I regret having too much space in my house that I can do whatever I want with. I regret moving across the country without thought of kids or school districts. And I regret that I know my own mind (and my husbands) enough to know that this was the right path for us.

    The Kidless Kronicles

  8. I regret being able to live on a single income in order to accommodate my partner’s psychological issues that make it very difficult for him to find a traditional job.
    I regret knowing the boundaries of what we can and can’t handle in terms of our combined quirks and issues.
    I regret understanding that my personal happiness trumps whatever life script society thinks I should be following.
    I regret being able to downsize from a 3-bedroom to a 1-bedroom and subsequently cutting our rent.
    I regret having the opportunity to rescue non-kid-friendly pets (like our cat, who goes into “MAKE IT DIE” mode whenever there’s lots of high-pitched noises).
    I regret being able to wear whatever I want around my home, including nothing at all.
    I regret being able to make meals that we want to eat, instead of having to cater to the picky appetite of a child.
    I regret not having to worry about what my kids or other parents will think about how I dress, act, and decorate my home.
    I regret having the ability to leave home whenever I want, without having to worry about getting a babysitter or taking a child along.
    I regret not having to monitor my language and topics of conversation in my own home.
    I regret being able to go to sleep and wake up on my own schedule.
    I regret knowing that I can have expensive toys and they won’t be broken or gummed up by dirty kid hands.

    So many regrets, so little time…

  9. I regret my 2 seater sports car only holds my husband and I.

    I regret my ’71 Chevelle muscle car has no child seats.

    I regret having 6 horses, 2 dogs, 3 cats, a pig, a parrot, and a hedgehog.

    I really regret being mortgage free.

    I regret various things in my house aren’t sticky.

    I regret having sex in every place inside and outside of our house.

    I can’t stand that I can leave town at a moment’s notice because there’s a concert I want to fly to.

    I regret that my things to do in life list don’t include saving for my child’s education or wedding. I regret I’m doing things like seeing an NFL game in every stadium, rafting the Grand Canyon, or taking a boat out in the water to have lava bubbling up 5 feet beside us.

    I regret the relaxing quiet hours I spend soaking in my bathtub or laying in my hammock with a good book.

    I regret the only TV shows I watch are filled with sex, violence and course language.

    I regret my ever expanding shoe collection.

    I regret that I’m tall enough for all the amusement rides and not having to stay behind to watch a shorty that can’t ride.

    And I sooooo regret that I can search the internet without having someone nattering in my ear that it’s their turn next.

  10. I can’t like this enough! Thank you for this cute article — sometimes the only response you can have to those who try to tell us how to live our lives is humor!

  11. I regret having a rescued kitty who is thoroughly loved and rightfully thoroughly spoiled.

    I regret being able to devote HUNDREDS of hours to making beautiful beaded things, with expensive beads that would preclude buying “useful” things like diapers, bottles, formula, toddler clothes, baby food, etc.

    I regret that I don’t have to hide my money or debit/credit cards, because a child might take and use them.

    I regret that I don’t have to set up “parental controls” so a little crotch nugget doesn’t unintentionally see some porn or an “unsuitable” show.

    I regret that I don’t have to curb my language in case my child should go to school and repeat some “terrible” word and have me declared an “unfit mother.”

  12. It would be a ridiculously long list I am not up to typing right now, but I agree with much of yours. A few “regrets” from just from today: spending a chunk of change on frivolous stuff for myself and my husband instead of having to throw money away on diapers and wipes, not having to cook and spending hours watching movies and playing around online instead of taking care of someone else’s needs. Considering I work early tomorrow and am still up, I am sure I’ll “regret” that I can get away with sleeping in less than an hour before I have to go into work because I don’t have to get anyone else out the door but myself.

  13. I’m approaching 50 and I have friends who are older. Not one of us has voiced any regrets about being CF yet. We will have to accommodate and do our best if we get ill when we are older. As parents usually say about another unnplanned pregnancy, it will all work out in the end.

  14. I really enjoyed reading this article, and I’m a mother of two. I’ll always be their mother the way I see it, even though I know a lot of parents wait for 18 yrs of age to come around. As if they’ll be relieved of their parenting duties one day! I wish more people took the time to really understand that parenting isn’t a job, it’s what you are until the day you die if you so choose. I often think our society is more addicted to infants, ignoring the challenging reality ahead- they grow up! As they grow, parenting must too, and I see too many parents who aren’t up for the task.

  15. However, the vagina comment isn’t accurate.

  16. I’ve read most of the content on this blog and I think it’s important the CF community takes a stand, especially women such as yourself. My spouse and I guide our kids with humanist values, and both know they don’t need to become parents themselves, nor do they ever have to justify it. I didn’t have kids so I could become a grandma. Their personal ambitions aren’t selfish, but a matter of self respect.

  17. I regret traveling to 7 countries with my husband after we finished college.

    I regret starting medical school at the age of 30 after working as a science teacher for 8 years with the most awesome kids. No, I am not a person who ‘hates’ children like some of the trolls would say.

    I regret having the time and energy to run 2 marathons in the last few years and having a healthy toned body at the age of 40 that I can be proud of because I worked my butt off. I’m battling genetics after all! I love you anyway mom and dad :)

    I regret having a 2nd bedroom that was originally used as nursery by previous homeowner for my extensive library collection and fragile glass figurines. Hubby uses the 3rd bedroom as his ‘man cave.’ ;-)

    I regret having a satisfying career as a cardiac pediatrician. I consider every child who comes into the floor as my child. I love these little ones and I am so thankful I have the time, opportunity and energy to devote 500% to doing what I love.

  18. Firstly, I regret having the time, resources and willpower to get strong and healthy. This means I will not need to be babied by other adults when I’m old. *sob* *sob* I will be one of those people who are still self-sufficient in their late eighties and early nineties. The very idea saddens me so much… *sob*
    I regret having no ties other than my aging parents.
    I regret having the freedom to take up dangerous occupations (serving in the military, law enforcement, etc.), knowing that if I get killed I will not leave any orphans behind.
    I regret having the freedom to move to another continent without worrying about how my children will adapt to the new language and culture.
    I regret having the freedom to keep my savings all to myself.
    But especially I regret keeping my uterus all to myself, and using it for its real purpose: producing hormones without which I’d have health problems.

    In all seriousness having the option of not breeding is the real gift from Gawd. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  1. Pingback: What I regret about being childfee Insufferable Intolerance

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