My Childfree Rules
Wow, this post turned out to be a lot more popular than I expected! On the one hand, I’m pleased that something I did was well received. On the other, I’m irritated that posts I spend days researching for and writing get ignored.
Anyway, not everyone embraces each and every rule I’ve written here. To clarify, these are just my own rules. If you want to change diapers, fawn over babies, and treat public breast feeding as acceptable behavior even in inappropriate settings you go right ahead.
About Being Childfree
- First and foremost, I will never have children, not even one, not by any means, no matter what. That’s what it means to be childfree.
- I am happily childfree and I will not pretend otherwise just to make others feel more comfortable. I won’t necessarily offer up information out of the blue, but if the subject is brought openly and clearly state that I am never having children, no matter who I am speaking to. I will not be forced into silence about being childfree, as the childfree life is not merely a simple absence of children, but a completely different lifestyle from that of a parent. It is, therefore, a completely valid topic of discussion if I so choose
- I will not try to appease anybody by pretending that children are a possibility in the slightest. I won’t use phrases like, “maybe someday,” “I’m not ready yet,” or “if I change my mind.” I will not allow anyone to have any impression that I am in anyway unsure about having children, or that not having children was a difficult decision to make. I will not entertain thoughts that there is even the slimmest chance that I might one day change my mind. “You’ll change your mind,” or “you’ll regret not having kids” are bingos that have zero credibility with me.
- I have many reasons for choosing to be childfree, but I do not owe anybody a single one. That I simply do not want children is all the explanation anyone needs. I will especially not offer my career as an excuse for being childfree. Although my career goals are likely incompatible with children, even if I lived out my days as a slacker, I would still not want kids. I do not need to have a conflicting interest.
- I will not use “I’m sterile.” as a means of making people feel awkward and shut about me not having kids. I am sterile, and I’m quite happy about it. I don’t want something I’m so proud of to be seen as something negative.
- I will not use self-depreciating language to compliment parents to make them more comfortable with my choice. I won’t say things like “I’m not cut out to be a mom,” “I couldn’t handle it,” or “I’m too selfish.” None of those are even true, and I’m not one to be a kiss-ass anyway.
- I will not let anybody try to guilt me into thinking that I should have kids to satisfy another person. Anyone who wants kids can have them, just not through me.
- I will not act as if being childfree is something I should have to make up for by involving children in my life in other ways, or by making frequent public proclamations that I love children. I will never utter the phrase, “I love children, but…” I do not need to provide a child-friendly disclaimer before saying what’s on my mind. If anyone gets the wrong idea from my statements, that’s their problem.
- I will not pretend to find anything about parenting to be even remotely appealing to me as it simply isn’t. I’m not impressed by Kodak moments of barely intelligible “I love you”s, drooly kisses, or messy macaroni cards.
- I will not make any concessions for the sake of “building bridges.” I speak my mind honestly.Anyone who can’t take that is free to grow a thicker skin. I don’t give a damn about bridges (there’s an engineering joke in there somewhere.)
About My Personal Life
- I will never, under any circumstances, be in a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone who has or so much as even thinks that they may ever want kids. I will not start a relationship, however casual, with such a person, nor would I remain in such a relationship should one turn that way. We would simply be incompatible.
- I will not agree to babysit anyone who isn’t potty trained. I have never changed a diaper and I never will.
- I will not agree to babysit anyone who I’m not allowed to spank, if especially destructive behavior calls for it. I’m not playing that Super-Nanny game of dragging a child back to time out again and again for hours on hours when swift discipline can take care of the situation.
- I will not, in anything short of an emergency situation, allow people to dump their kids unannounced on me, either at my home, their home, or in public, with the expectation that I will watch them. Because I won’t. I will report unattended children to the appropriate authorities. For example, a man who has his children sit near to me in the waiting area of an airport and then proceeds to walk away can expect to have a conversation with security about the whereabouts of his children upon his return, while I enjoy myself in an airport lounge.
- I will not pretend that anything else that I do with my life is “channeling my maternal instincts / need to nurture.” It’s simply called having a life. People with and without kids alike usually have interests apart from kids. I pity anyone who doesn’t.
- I will not refer to a “biological clock.” Such a thing is an entirely fictional concept. There is the circadian rhythm, but that’s not typically what people mean when they use the term.
- I will not answer any questions as to whether or not I’ve ever had an abortion (although I may disclose such information on my own, if I so choose.) Just as no one is entitled to control my uterus, no one is entitled to ask about it.
- I will immediately have an abortion in the unlikely event of pregnancy. I will do so without hesitation, doubt, shame, or the consideration of anyone else’s opinion.
- I will not tolerate others telling me that I shouldn’t get whatever home I want with any number of rooms on the basis of my non-childed status. I have a right to live wherever I want and can afford, and I’d like a reasonably sized home with a decent sized yard some day. I will not tolerate anyone telling me that rooms used for purposes other than child’s bedroom aren’t still full and used. I like having office space, a craft room, a video game room, and a room filled with nothing but wolf collectibles.
- I will not tolerate people claiming that my dog is a subconscious substitute for a child. She’s a dog. I got a dog because a dog is what I wanted. I prefer dogs. I will not call myself my dog’s “mommy” or refer to her as a “fur-baby.” She’s a dog.
My Home
- I will not child-proof my home. My home is not dangerous. Just because I’m childfree does not mean that habitually I decorate my floor with razor blades, heroine needles, cyanide capsules, dildos, and cups of vodka mixed with anti-freeze.
- I will remove from my home any parents who do not watch their kids while visiting. Needless to say, the child will leave as well. Guests with children will be expected to supervise and control their kids at all times.
- I will hold parents responsible for any damage done to my belongings as a result of unsupervised children. It’s not like I keep expensive, fragile sculptures teetering on the edges of every surface, or leave crayons all over against my walls. Any serious damage done would not be an accident, and will not be chalked up to “kids being kids.” No, I will treat the situation as what it is: a serious failure to parent.
- I will not allow uninvited children into my home or onto my property. For instance, parents who unexpectedly show up with children to a party that I’ve arranged to be child-free will not be admitted in. Girl Scouts are the only exception to this rule, being allowed to stand on my porch while selling cookies (I’m a sucker for Girl Scout cookies, and I do like supporting the Girl Scout organization.)
- I will not allow anyone to breast feed on my property except in private in a closed room. I expect guests to be about as covered as I am at all times.
- I will not allow anyone to change a diaper in my home anywhere but in private in a closed room. They will do so on a towel (their own, brought from home,) and on a non-carpeted floor and not on a bed, table, or counter top.
- I will not allow soiled diapers to be disposed of in any receptacle on my property, indoors or outdoors. It must be disposed of outside immediately in a dumpster.
- I will not allow children of guests to be less than fully clothed while on my property. That diaper-only thing is unacceptable.
- I will not shut my dog in another room, or in her kennel just because children are visiting. My dog lives here. It’s her home. I will expect children to respect my dog, her space, and her things. I will remove children and their parents from my property if they fail to do so.
- I will swear in my own house if I damned well please, no matter how young any guests are. If you don’t like it, fuck you, it’s my house.
About Parents
- I will not regard motherhood is the pinnacle of womanhood, or fatherhood for manhood, or parenthood for adulthood. Breeding is not required to be a complete, mature, adult human being. In fact, the two aren’t even related.
- I will not give parents special treatment just for being parents. Simply being a parent is neither a disability, nor an action worthy of a congressional medal of honor. Parents can wait in line like everybody else, do their jobs like everybody else, and work holidays fairly like everybody else. I will not respect parking spaces for pregnant women, or women with children. The only exception would be at hospitals/medical clinics, as those are the only places that I can think of where such a treatment makes any sense. As far as I’m aware, the reservation of such spaces in store parking lots isn’t legally enforceable anyway
- I will not ignore overpopulation or avoid speaking about it for the sake of the comfort of parents. Nor will I pretend that overpopulation is a local problem, the fault of other people (read: brown folks,) rather than a global one, the fault of everyone.
- I will not consider parenthood a job in any way, let alone the hardest or most important. It is none of those. Stay-at-home-mom/dad least of all.
- I will not pretend it’s OK for people who know they can’t afford kids to go ahead and have them anyway and then, through abuse of the system meant to help people with actual need, have their irresponsible and selfish actions subsidized by the taxes of their neighbors. If you can’t feed em, don’t breed em. It’s called personal responsibility. I’m a supporter of government aid for people who need it, but having a baby is not a need.
- I will challenge the notion that a family is defined by having children. I have a family of two adult humans and a dog.
- I will not pretend that a fetus is the same thing as a baby, no matter what the situation. It plainly isn’t.
- I will not refer to losing a pregnancy as losing a child. For one thing, it isn’t true. For another, I think it’s cruel to people who have actually had children who died to refer to a miscarriage as comparable in any way. Loss of a wanted pregnancy might be disappointing, but it is not the same thing.
- I will not refer to pregnant women who do not already have children as “mothers.” They aren’t yet.
- I will not pretend that all people who have produced children deserve the title of “parent.” The sad truth is, parents deserving of the title seem to be a minority among people who have kids. Other childfree folks commonly use the title “breeder” for those who do not qualify.
- While I might read an interesting blog that happens to be written by a mother, but I will not read any “mommy blogs.” The same goes for fathers and “daddy-blogs.”
- I will not refer to birth as a miracle. It isn’t. It’s a simple, well-understood biological process that occurs among our species with dangerous frequency.
- I will not pretend that pregnancy and birth are beautiful either aesthetically or as concepts. Aesthetically, everything about pregnancy and birth disgusts me. As a concepts, they horrify and disturbs me on many levels.
- I will not worship anyone’s bodily fluids. Breast milk is not “liquid gold” and amniotic fluid in not the “elixir of life.” Mothers, you aren’t earth goddesses or super heroines. You’re simply placental mammals doing what placental mammals do.
- I will not pretend it’s acceptable to breast feed everywhere. If you couldn’t expose yourself without a baby, it’s still not appropriate to do it with a baby. Having an audience does not affect nutritional value. Be discreet like a civilized human being. It is entirely possible and not unreasonable to expect. Breastfeeding is fine and usually healthy (although not always,) but come on, what’s acceptable on your living room couch is not the same as what’s acceptable at a restaurant table.
- I will not congratulate anyone on becoming pregnant or giving birth. There is nothing about doing either that warrants it. Not only are those occurrences not remotely difficult, being things that most people have to work just to avoid, but breeding is actively detrimental to the world as a whole and not a positive contribution warranting praise.
- I might congratulate responsible people on adopting, however. That’s actually a thoughtful and beneficial thing.
- I will not touch anyone’s bump. It’s just creepy.
- I will not pretend to be remotely interested in ultrasound photos. I don’t care about your blurry, Rorschach image clump. … Unless it’s like this.
- I will not ignore bad parenting. Bad parenting is bad parenting, and I will say so. I will call out unacceptable child behavior and call on parents to do something about it, regardless of where I am. And if the situation is particularly bad, I might not be polite and quiet about it either. If this villager has to get involved, it won’t be pretty.
- I will not accept the fact that I do not have children of my own as invalidation of my pointing out of bad parenting. Whether or not I have children of my own is of no baring on the lack of parenting on the part of parents. I will not accept such diversionary tactics.
- Ram me with your stroller on purpose, and I might just kick it over. If you don’t care about your precious cargo, why should I? Too much? Maybe you’d rather I simply call the police and charge you with assault, because I will.
- I will not walk in the grass or on the street if a stroller comes the opposite way on the sidewalk if there is enough room to pass. Moms do not own the walkway, so get out of the middle and move to the side.
- I will not accept baby shower registries. If I chose to give a gift, which I may not, it will be what I want to get. Anyone who gives me a list is guaranteed to not get jack shit from me.
- For a baby-shower, if I give anything, I will mostly give inexpensive items one needs in bulk. I’d give items like diapers, formula, and condoms. Unless I manage to find something second-hand for cheap, I will not buy necessities like cribs. It’s the parents responsibility to obtain such items well before any shower would likely take place. If they haven’t done it by then, they already fail as parents. I will not buy stupid luxury items for showers. If the parents really think Snookums needs an oversized play-pen, they can purchase it themselves.
- I will never actually attend a shower. I have better shit to do. If I send a gift, it will be mailed or delivered by a shower guest.
- I will not validate parents carrying on like their tired somehow is more tired than my tired. Fuck off, I work.
- I am not anyone’s servant just because they’ve bred. Any entitled parent/parent-to-be who tries to give me a list like this, can fuck right off.
- I’m not an open wallet to anyone just because they’ve bred. I might choose help people in need, which might include people with kids. But I don’t subsidize irresponsibility. No, having a baby you can not afford does not entitle you to to my paycheck (the part of it the government doesn’t already take to subsidize those same people anyway.) If you can’t afford to have a baby, don’t. save the public assistance for those who already exist and truly need the help. Don’t be selfish.
- I am not interested in “meeting” anyone’s baby (I’m sure as hell not going to travel hundreds of miles to do it, even if the baby is related.) It won’t care, or remember that I was ever even there. As for me, once you’ve seen one baby, you’ve pretty much seen them all. It’s not like I’ll find anyone especially remarkable.
About Kids
- I will not be baby-stalked. Any child trying to get my attention on its own or any child being used by a parent to get attention will be ignored entirely. I’m good at this game.
- I will not pretend to like or be at all interested in every child I see. No one expects me to like and interact with every adult I come across. I will not act as if everyone is required to like every single person below a certain age. I neither like nor dislike kids in general, but I won’t pretend that disliking being around children is unacceptable as long as no harm is done.
- I will not let anyone talk to me about poop or any other gross, mundane baby thing. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? I do not want to hear about diaper blowouts. No normal person does.
- I will not give special treatment children just for being children. They’re not the center of the universe.
- I will not pretend that it’s acceptable to bring children everywhere and at every time. Yes, there as some places and situation where it’s inappropriate to bring children along. To the selfish bitch who brought an infant to an R-rated movie in a theater at 9pm, fuck you.
- I will not accept “kids will be kids” as a valid excuse for parents to fail to patent (verb.) Further, I will not pretend that child misbehavior is cute in any way. Failure to parent is not cute. While a misbehaving child is irritating, it’s ultimately the parent that is to blame.
- I will not pretend that excessive noise is any more acceptable from children than from adults. I will report noise violations, especially as I mostly work nights.
- Unless there’s some kind of emergency, no, I’m not interested in holding the baby. For all I know, you could shout “you touched it last!” and run off. I’m not interested in having my hair and earrings pulled, having drool-covered hands dragged against my face and neck, or being pissed on.
- If inept parents let their kids bother me, I will counter-troll. I will poke parents in the head and yank their hair while they’re trying to eat in a restaurant if they let their child stand on the booth and do the same to me. Oh, don’t like it huh? Neither do I. Maybe you should do something about it, like a real parent would? I am not free entertainment for your kid. I will recline fully if a child persists in kicking my seat on an airplane. And I’ll make sure to report it to the flight attendant who will, hopefully, have a word with the inept parents who allowed that to go on.
- No, I will not feel sympathy for the parents of the screaming child in public, especially if they aren’t doing anything about it. If you can’t get your kid to behave properly and not bother anyone, leave! Any inconvenience that comes with you choosing to have kids is your burden to bear, not mine.
Posted on 2012/03/06, in childfree, Feminism, Humor, Prochoice and tagged bingo, childfree, feminism, feminist, kids, pro-choice, prochoice, sterilization, tubal, tubal ligation, women. Bookmark the permalink. 161 Comments.
I cannot properly express how much I love this post! (At least not in a polite, publically acceptable way.)
Who said anyone had to be polite?
This was great, except for the breastfeeding one, because, well, frankly, it sounds kinda prudish. I think Americans as a whole are pretty uptight about nudity. I think the fact that people get offended by tits in public is kinda offensive. Do you really get offended by a woman taking her tit out in front of you?
That said, most of it had me going “Fuck yeah!”
Nice job.
Offended? No. Disgusted.
Julie, seriously, you’re “disgusted” when a woman takes her tit out? That’s a bit extreme, kinda like a hangup. What is disgusting about a breast? It’s how humans have fed infants since time immemorial (or at least until formula manufacturers screwed that up). Is it your aversion to female anatomy or is it your aversion to children. I’d understand the latter… the former is quite repressive.
I respect your opinion (otherwise I wouldn’t be reading everything you write), but I have a hard time with the prudishness, especially since you seem to be such a free thinker.
So it’s ok for a man to whip out his cock in public? On a playground? What, you don’t have any hang ups about human bodies or men, do you? It’s just a penis. Men have gone about uncovered since time immemorial until pants messed that up.
Ok sarcasm off, do you have any idea how many children who would have otherwise been malnourished or starved are saved by formula? Do you know how many women are able to achieve more in life thanks to formula? Oh yeah, formula is the devil, right?
Again, Julie, a penis is not the same as a breast. Breasts’ main function are to feed children, not to piss or inseminate. Sure, breasts have a sexual function in terms of male arousal, but it’s secondary, and again, so what? Why do they need to be so
private? Not the same thing. “Private parts” is very subjective, as in many parts of the world, they’re not considered “private”. Your reasoning for this isn’t really based in any rational argument, other that “you find it gross”. It just sounds prudish, no matter how you frame it, as it’s not based in any logic.
As to formula, yes, in some cases it has saved lives, but breast milk is medically better, and it’s what our evolution has provided for us.
What does it matter that penises ejaculate and expel urine? Those are natural functions, and one secretion isn’t objective grosser than any other.
But suppose he isnt doing either, he’s just going about his day. What’s the problem?
I would challenge the statement that ‘breasts’ main function are to feed children’. I read in Desmond Morris’ book The Naked Ape that compared to the breasts of other apes, the shape of the human breast is actually more rounded and inconvenient for feeding, hence their primary function is actually a sexual signalling device as opposed to providing milk for infants.
I am childfree by choice and have no probs with breastfeeding moms by the way.
Julie – enjoyed the post, you go girl!
I find breast feeding absoultely repulsive! And for all the bullshit that breastfeeding is some how the key to improving mankind…its all fuckery. I deal with the undesirables of society and guess what the mjority were breastfeed and in a few too damn long to the point they could recall it. Not to mention breast feeding makes a human female the equivalent of a farm animal having to produce on schedule. It is primitive and beastly. Those few who aren’t afraid to go against the lactating mafia will admitt to the pain (have you ever seen cracked bleeding nipples? Ooh beautiful) and enslavement that comes with breast feeding. Breast feeding women become subhuman and a mere lactating vessel. A self made slave!
Love it! We have been wanting a post like this for a long time!
We?
JD Ryan, notice she mentioned BREAST-FEEDING, not female nudity. One can be okay with female nudity, but not like breast-feeding (for numerous reasons besides prudishness) especially in their own home.
A major concern is contact with bodily fluids. It’s a bio-hazard.
Such an interesting list to read! We obviously differ in our views on quite a few things (I’m pretty community minded and don’t expect parents and children to regulate their behaviour all that much for my benefit, and I would never condone any kind of violence towards a child).
But I cheered audibly on your point about the biological clock. It’s such a medieval-sounding concept with so little basis in science and so much basis in a culture that reduces women to their reproductive possibilities. People still discuss it as though its the biological equivalent of a lung or a wisdom tooth!
I’m community minded so I expect EVERYONE, without exception, to behave appropriately.
And yeah, talk of biological is ridiculous. It’s like some people think there’s an actual wind-up alarm clock, complete with bells, embedded in the abdominal cavity next to the liver or something.
Anyway, quite a few people disagree with my personal rules. They’re free to do so. For instance, if someone’s ok with changing diapers, that’s fine.
It’s only my list.
My hands are going to fall off if I don’t stop applauding soon. Just so you know, that is the only reason I am stopping. Bravo ma’am. Bravo!
Yeah, I, too, am generally in agreement except for the breastfeeding part. I’m childfree, too, but there’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding. It’s what’s supposed to happen. I don’t like women being shamed for their bodies, or for being attentive mothers. The thought of breastfeeding grosses me out personally, for myself, but it doesn’t bother me at all if other women do it in public. And I have yet to see a woman trying to get attention doing it. Any time I have seen it in public (rarely), the mother has been discrete, anyway.
Otherwise, as a childfree woman, I totally agree with your “rules” – especially regarding not apologizing for your own life choices, not attending baby showers, and refusing to pretend to be interested in kids, even when people try to dump them on you because you’re a woman. Excellent post.
The “pretend to be interested in kids” is always a tough one. It’s very hard to fake. That said, occasionally, there’s a gem in there. We had a couple over for dinner, and their 8 year old son was with us. He went into the living room, read a book, and played with the cats. When I went in to see him, he was engaging, smart, and actually enjoyable to talk to, just like an adult.
What about “baby smell?” That always gets me.
I can’t say I’ve ever noticed a baby smell, now that you mention it. I don’t get that one, either. Then again, I generally avoiding being close enough to babies to smell them!
I didn’t say that there was anything wrong with breast feeding. I take issue with the attitude that its what’s supposed to happen because there isn’t anything that’s supposed to happen.
It isn’t about being ashamed of anyone’s body either. I don’t poo in private because I’m ashamed of my body.
I hear you, and I don’t discounts your points. I have gone from sharing your opinion to being supportive of public breastfeeding and any measures that make the physical difficulties of motherhood easier for women. I think a better analogy would be: you eat in public, why can’t a baby? I don’t even like children, but babies are people, too. I’m sorry to disagree on this point, but to me telling breastfeeding mothers to put their breasts away because others are offended is a form of shaming women. In this case (and some others), my feminism trumps my personal decision to be childfree.
I dont eat the bodily fluids of others from their private parts. It’s not a baby eating that’s the problem. Indeed, it’s very possible to feed baby’s without being an exhibitionist (and acting like its the rest of civilized society that’s the problem.) Use bottles. Use formula. Use breast pumps. Go somewhere private. It’s not that hard’ but even if it was, that would be the parent’s problem not everyone else’s. If she’s not prepared to deal with having a baby inconveniencing her, then she’s not prepared to have a baby.
I’m astounded that not giving certain people special treatment and privileged status constitutes “shaming” in anyone’s mind.
So I guess this is a matter of aesthetics, then. It doesn’t bother me, and I don’t find it offensive. Clearly you do. There seems to be no solution for women who want to breastfeed while having a normal, public life. I honestly don’t see what the big deal is, though. I find seeing toddlers faces smeared with food much more disgusting while trying to dine in a restaurant. But I wouldn’t say that no toddlers should be allowed in public. Maternal breasts are where babies get food. I get that you don’t like it — I don’t particularly, either, and that’s one of the million reasons I’m not having kids — but there’s nothing wrong with it. And it IS “supposed to” happen. The other methods are technological substitutions. They’re great, but no mother is obligated to use them just because you find the natural process of a baby eating off-putting. And I still think your attitude to breast feeding is a form of shaming women. Sorry. We disagree. But I love 99% of your points here.
I believe I’ve clarified more than once ready that offense has nothing to do with it. It is easily possible to breast feed privately while having a normal life behaving appropriately in public. To say otherwise is absurd.
People, it’s not hard. Keep your private parts and secretions private.
So many people tend to reference how natural breast feeding is…OK but having to see it IS NOT. Females aren’t encouraged to display proof of their menstrual cycles so why is it ok for us to have to see some chic whipping out her tit and putting it in her kids mouth! If I have to be discrete when Im on the rag than leaky tits needs to do the same!
Women breast feed for attention quite often. What else can anyone say of a woman who fully removes her shirt at a restaurant booth, or of those insane nurse-ins?
Women for generations have successfully breasted in private, without the need to make a spectacle of it. It is not unreasonable to expect appropriate behavior.
Women for generations have also been sold into marriage as chattel and acted as brood mares for their husband. I don’t see you arguing for those things. In fact, quite the opposite.
I have never seen a woman “fully remove her shirt” in a restaurant booth, either. I’m sorry if you have. That does sound quite disruptive.
I think youve missed the point. It isn’t an argument from tradition. My point is that it’s entirely possible to breast feed without making a show of it, and so not unreasonable to expect people to do just that.
Point. Stupid iPhone.
I agree that breastfeeding should be done in private & not in public. Nobody wants to see that, nor should anybody see that – and that goes for any bodily function.
Why are you staring?
Agreed.
I think this is an absolute treasure of a post. As someone who is 40 and is very happily married and childfree I can agree with it.
I would also have to agree with the author on breastfeeding. If it is not acceptable for me to whip out my breasts in public when not lactating it should not be acceptable for Mothers to whip theirs out in public to feed their children. This is a double standard and needs to change. I don’t get offended by breastfeeding Mothers I just don’t think it is fair I can’t bare mine. (not that I’d want to but it should be my choice)
IMHO: All breasts should be seen, or none at all. And if mothers are baring their breasts in public, they should not get upset if someone is looking. I think they would be doing it in private if they didn’t want at least some attention.
So is it the nip that is a problem? Because I see a lot of flesh falling out of tops
Are their tits displayed purposely in inappropriate settings? Are they leaking bio-hazards? Is anyone sucking on them?
Breastmilk isn’t a biohazard: http://www.eatsonfeetsresources.org/?page_id=417
Any bodily fluid is a biohazard. Breast milk is not an exception among secretions.
Yes it is, unless you have a new definition of the term biohazard. You may find it disgusting, but that doesn’t change the fact that it isn;t going to harm you.
So breast milk can’t carry pathogens?
If it were in a cup, would you drink the breast milk of a stranger?
I wouldn’t drink the breast milk of a stranger, but probably most nursing mothers wouldn’t ask you to.
By your logic crying and vigorous exercise should not be allowed in public.
Go to a gym sometime. Notice that people are required to clean up sweat.
This is not very critical thinking. So, now you’re claiming that sweat is also a biohazard? If that’s true, then should it be disallowed in public? Or, if not, then would your objections to breastfeeding in public be addressed if a woman cleaned up any breast milk she happened to spill?
The real question is why you continue to argue this point. It seems unlikely your objection to women breastfeeding in public really stems for your concern for public health. Do you just think that women shouldn’t bare their breasts in public? The New York state supreme court has held that women have a constitutional right to do so. Or is it your contention that social norms dictate women shouldn’t bare their breasts anyway? And if so, shouldn’t men be required not to display their bare chests as well? Is it really that objectionable to you to see a woman’s breast?
Or is it simply you just don’t want to see a woman’s breast if there happens to be a child sucking on it?
All of the above. For one thing, breast feeding does NOT make anyone special. Places like stores generally require everyone to wear shirts. And no, as it so happens, I’m not interested in viewing the privates of inconsiderate strangers. Yes, as it happens, breast milk is just as disgusting as any other bodily secretion and not something I would want to be in indirect contact with, especially as it can transmit disease.
It’s really not hard to feed children without the exhibitionism. What’s your argument in favor of putting on a show when other people will be bothered?
Really breast milk isn’t a bio hazard? Tell that to the AIDS infected infants who are being breast fed. The breast feeding drug addict or alcoholic aren’t doing ANY harm to their offspring by breast feeding right? Sounds like the bullshit that members of the lactating mafia tell women into bullying them to believe breast feeding is not only harmless but the only true “method”. Its a myth that its all PRO’s & no CON’s
Anything produced by the body is a biohazard because it could potentially spread disease. Yes, it may be healthy for the child in some circumstances, but it can also spread disease. It is considered third degree assault to expose someone who is not your nursing child to your breast milk, just like it’s third degree assault to expose someone to any other biohazard.
You lost me with the breast feeding. It’s a nipple. Most people have 2. Get over it. You see more boob meat hanging out with push up bras or on obese men at the beach.
I have a clitoris, not that doesn’t mean I want to see anyone else’s. Female breasts are private parts. It should either be acceptable to show them and have them sucked on in full view of strangers in a public setting for EVERYONE or no one.
Not everyone has a clitorus. That’s for sex only. No one is nourished on a clitorus. When you can get milk from a clit let me know.
The argument was that everyone had nipples. About half of all people have clits. The point is, being a common body part is of no relevance to the matter, it’s still a private part.
So now it has to be something one can drink from? Ok. Penis. Your move.
Do you honestly want to have a full grown man “breast feeding” you in public? Is that what “everyone” means?
Everyone or no one.
I have no particular desire to see women breastfeed, but I think the fact that I live in an area where actually everyone CAN go about topless in public if they so choose certainly influences my opinion on the matter.
Great list, though! Love it. I plan on fostering teenagers in the future, but can still relate to pretty much everything on here.
Nitpicking/grammar stuff:
I will not consider parenthood a job in any way, let anyone [sic] the hardest or most important. It is none of those.
Be discrete [discreet], like a civilized human being.
I originally wrote most of this on my iPhone, so there were a number of auto-correction errors. And here I thought I’d fixed them all. Thanks for the correction!
You wrote most of it on your iPhone? Did you have any thumb muscles done when you were done?
Pooing and clits are different issues. Like I said, this country is WAAAAY too uptight about sex in general, as we’re putting a sexual connotation on breastfeeding, which frankly, is ridiculous. Then again, we’re living in a country where people actually take Rick Santorum seriously. I think that men and women should both be able to go topless without a sanction from the morality police. Just about everything else on the list I’m down with, but I think you’re way off on this one. The women I know who have breastfed (usually the earthy/hippie types so prevalent in VT) are the last ones who are gonna be showing off tits for the hell of it. That one to me, falls under “It’s a natural, non-sexual matter. If it makes you uncomfortable, look elsewhere.” I love boobs as much as the next straight guy, but when a gal’s feeding, I’m not trying to sneak a peek.
It’s either acceptable everywhere for everyone to have their tits sucked on, or it isn’t ok for anyone. I’m all about equal treatment. No special exceptions.
How about a real world example. A group of women who were bored and evidently have no real problems recently staged a series of nurse-ins at Target stores. That is to say, they were congregating for the purpose of spectacle, doing it for attention. Why? Because one woman in a Target store was being disruptive about breast feeding (likely on purpose so she could play the role of martyr when called out on how unacceptable such behavior is in a store where even men must wear shirts) and when confronted by employees refused to cover up, use the restroom, or continue breast feeding later. So she was asked to leave.
That is unacceptable behavior on the parts of those women, and they should be ashamed of themselves for their immature and inconsiderate conduct. If you’re going to be a part of civilized society, act civilized.
I am all for breastfeeding in private. ALL TITS ARE NATURAL, not just the ones that feed. If I can’t take mine out whenever I want, neither should mothers. All tits or no tits.
Geez, the way people are freaking out, you’d think that having a audience affected nutritional value somehow. Breast feeding privately is NOT an unreasonable expectation.
Exactly! My mom had eight kids and not once did she ever whip out her boob in public to feed us. She either fed us at home, or she brought formula with her. There’s no reason for it.
On anther note, this is my favorite blog entry of the year. If I were a lesbian I’d propose to the author, mwah
Aw… Too bad. Lol
Thing is, it can be done discreetly. There have been times when I have noticed such where it was practically invisible. WTF is the problem with throwing a scarf over the critter?
Entitlement. Some people can’t get over the idea that they don’t own the whole world and that the way they act at home and in public should differ.
Absolutely love it.
Private breastfeeding is one thing, but doing it in public… sorry. Gross. Adjust your schedule to STAY HOME whilst allowing the little vampire to feed.
Your views on children are yours to choose but they are quite judgmental. You clearly find no problem discriminately against children and parents base on a prejudice. It’s discrimination you’re advocating and I hope you realize this.
Holding children and parents to the same standards as everyone else is discriminatory? How do you figure?
I think you make a mistake in assuming that there is a set of universal standards that applies to all people equally. Can you think of a time or place in history where this has ever been the case? Even theoretically, this doesn’t make sense. For example, if a man with normal cognitive faculties had a screaming tantrum in public because he didn’t get what he wanted, most folks would look down on that and not be very forgiving. However, if the same man had a severe mental handicap, we would probably be forgiving and try to be helpful.
It just is the case that we make different accommodations for different people depending on their individual situations. We codify it in our laws, such as the Americans with Disabilities Act. We institute policies like affirmative action. And we have informal social contracts with each other that govern our treatment of people in different circumstances.
Neither being a child or being a parent constitutes disability. If a person, be they a child or adult behaves badly, they deserve to be called out on it.
If a young child not old enough to know better behaves badly, that’s likely the parents’ fault.
There is no excuse, for instance, for a child to run screaming through a Denny’s. There is no excuse for a parent to not only ignore that behavior, but to smile at me as if to ask “isn’t that cute?” No, it fucking isn’t. And I will say so.
If a person can not behave appropriately in public then they have no business being in public. Period.
>> If a person can not behave appropriately in public then they have no business being in public. Period.
With a statement like this you are indeed advocating for discrimination. This is pretty abhorrent. Who decides the standard? If someone is physically unable to meet that standard, should he effectively be in home confinement for his entire life? Does your personal desire to lead a public life unpolluted by the idiosyncrasies of others really trump the rights of others to be in public as well?
You may not want to have children, and that’s completely fine. I applaud you for public claiming so and describing rational reasons for feeling that way. However, you live in a society that includes children, and to some extent their limitations need to be accounted for in public life. The special needs of young children and their mothers needs to be accounted for, and if they are not that is indeed discriminatory.
I don’t read any advocacy for discrimination. Asking you to control your child in public is NOT discrimination!! It’s asking you to parent! My mother never, ever let me throw a tantrum in public. She picked my ass up off the floor and left. That’s not discrimination, that’s parenting.
Your rights as a parent do not trump my rights as an individual just because I choose not to have children. Truthfully, you have no more rights as an individual or as a parent than I or anyone else does.
I have the RIGHT to expect a nice, quiet meal when I go to a restaurant. So do you….regardless of whether you have kids. If the child interrupts my quiet meal, the parent is failing. I am not discriminating against a child. I am asking the parent to take responsibility for that child and respect my rights.
What special needs do young children and their mothers have that I don’t have? I’m stressed. I’m tired. I have people demanding things from me all day. If the woman’s children are loud and obnoxious and driving her crazy, then she needs to look in the mirror. Why are your children loud and obnoxious? Unless the child or mother has a disability, I don’t agree that they have any more special needs than any one else on this planet. Especially not just because they’re mothers!!
What idiot thinks treating everyone equally is discriminatory? and since when was being a child the same thing as a handicap?
Yes, children, even special needs children, can be controlled and taught to be have by parent’s given that those parents aren’t too inept and lazy. If someone can not behave in a manner appropriate for x situation, then they shouldn’t be dragged into x situation by their caretakers for selfish reasons.
For example, a few weeks ago I learned that a buffet I was eating at had great acoustics when some baby started screaming. Not crying, screaming. This went on for about ten minutes before I finally left, my meal ruined. Ok, the baby didn’t know any better, but the parents DID and didn’t do anything. No, there is absolutely no excuse for not acting like a responsible parent and taking the baby outside after failing to quiet it.
And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen children allowed to run freely through Denny’s as if Family-friendly meant free daycare. It’s not that anyone needs special consideration, it’s that some parents can’t be bothered to actually parent.
Quite frankly I’m wondering why some of these posters are even here. It is obvious that These are the Rules of the bloggerand it doesn’t take longer than 2.5 seconds to recognize she posted what she meant and meant what she posted. So these commentators who have now entered the territory of argumentative site trolls are just an annoyance. You stated your contradicting opinions but now believe after by posting argument after argument that you some howare going to change the views and beliefs of the blogger. I know you won’t, she knows you won’t its time you figured it out.
Thanks for letting us watch your descent from sane to crazy .
Who are you talking to, and to what are you referring?
Aaaaaaand here we go. An unapologetic woman states her beliefs, a man disagrees, can’t outsmart her in a debate and so she is, of course, deemed to be ‘crazy’. Typical. Thanks for letting us watch YOUR descent from potentially intelligent contender to ordinary garden variety misogynist
This is an incredible list. Very articulate. My husband and I have been living childfree (together) for over 15 years. And I also believe I don’t owe anyone an explanation for it. I also write a blog about living childfree and other things that I spend my time on. You can find me there!
The Kidless Kronicles
Thanks for the link, I’ll check it out
Man, reading the comments, you’d think you posted an anti-breastfeeding tirade on a mommy blog! It’s perfectly reasonable to set rules in your own home. If people don’t like them, they don’t have to visit. In public, it is entirely possible to breastfeed without making a spectacle of it. When I lived in Cali, I had to go apply for food stamps. The first appointment, there was a mother in there who I almost didn’t notice was breastfeeding because her baby (and tit) was under a blanket. She sat in the back and didn’t disturb anyone. In a situation like that, where you don’t know if the wait is going to be ten minutes or an hour, it’s understandable that she’d need to feed her baby at some point. But most people whipping their tits out like indecent exposure laws don’t apply to them can plan their days ahead of time and feed accordingly in private. I’m all for fighting for the abolishment of such a double-standard law, yes, but that means everyone gets to go topless, not just mothers.
But anyway, totally agree with you on all of this!
I know, right! Oh, and apparently I hate kids and parents too, which is news to me.
Some people just have to get victim complex when they aren’t worshipped.
As someone who waited tables at a national park, I have seen someone take off the shirt and breastfeed in front of the entire full dining room. I do not understand why any woman would do this. If it were me, and it never will be, I would certainly want to breastfeed in a private place, and if I were going somewhere where that might not be possible, I would take bottles, that’s what breastpumps are for. Since my niece and nephew are adopted, there’s been formula since day one.
I do like to think that such exhibitionists are a minority among breastfeeding mothers. It’s just that they’re the most visible. And boy do they go out of their way to be visible.
I think I love you.
It is somewhat interesting that of ALL the things in your list, some seemed to focus only on the breastfeeding comments. It is a matter of common courtesy. Which seems to be radically out of fashion these days. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. That can be applied to the breastfeeding remarks as well as to having children in the first place.
And there is the matter of those with children expecting those without to bend everything around the child instead of vice-versa. Your child in my house does not equal redecorating or banishing the pets.
The Kidless Kronicles
Spot on!
I agree, it is odd that the breastfeeding thing seems to be everyone’s big problem. Abortion and jokes about kicking over strollers – completely ignored. Not sure what to think of that.
Wasn’t this whole thing about the fact that you do not have nor do you desire to have children? I do not see why anyone should be upset! I found this article while trying to research the reasons for my post tubal ligation acne. I think what you say is true. You’re entitled to your opinion. Good for you for putting it all out there. Shit let it all hang out!!!
Meh, haters gonna hate, ya know?
Congratulations on your tubal ligation. I know how difficult those are to obtain.
I have always had some acne, although not so bad that a little make-up couldn’t cover it. I haven’t noticed any difference in acne since getting my tubal.
We’re you on some form of hormonal birth control prior to your tubal? (you don’t have to answer that, it’s your business) It’s possible that going off birth control is the culprit. Really, acne can be caused by a number of things. Stress, diet, soap, menopause, make-up, etc. It’s hard to track down.
All I can say is that I haven’t noticed any difference myself that couldn’t be linked to my make-up, the soap that I used, what I ate, where I am in my menstrual cycle, and environmental conditions.
I hope that you find the information you’re looking for. Sorry I can’t be of more help. If you’re really concerned, perhaps you could visit a dermatologist.
Ha! Totally. I’m thinking, uh, I am of an almost identical mindset as you are, but there are a few things I don’t apply for myself. The breastfeeding in public thing is not one of those variances, and why is it such a huge issue? It’s about decency and attention seeking, nothing more.
Hahaha, seems like a tough list to have to follow. Too many rules….I’m not a huge fan of rules. Perhaps some of the nit picky stuff will change as more people in your life breed.
I personally don’t care about boobs/niples being shown. It’s legal in Canada. But if you don’t want them shown in your living room, that’s your choice. I don’t disagree with most stuff on the list (abortion, misbehaviour, catering to families, etc), I just think the whole thing is a little harsh for such a common natural biological process.
I don’t see why anyone should tell you you’re wrong or somehow strange for not wanting and not liking children. It’s not for everyone, so what? Some people enjoy their lives and freedom and you’re one of them. At the same time, I’m not sure why there is such an angry tone in the post, there is no reason to hate children, they are people to, just like you and I.
I don’t hate children, nor have I implied anywhere that they aren’t people. I really don’t know where you get that.
There’s an angry tone because parents make us angry. How much can you expect childfree people to sit and take before they get mad?
Absolutely LOVE this list!!! I seriously agree with you on every single one, including the breastfeeding. Kind of like the picture of a naked pregnant Jessica Simpson I just saw. If you wouldn’t take that picture without a baby in your uterus, what about a fetus changes that. I’ve seen women take pictures of themselves in their underwear to show off their pregnant bellies and post them on FB. I want to ask, “Do you normally post such pictures of yourself?”
You are so articulate!!
Hallelujah. Thank you for saying these things. I refuse to go to a baby shower and more often than not, the parent to be and I lose touch as the parents life no longer really includes friends, least of all those whose opinions and life choices differ at a fundamental level.
And I hear you on wanting a well-researched article to be the most popular. It is so frustrating when it isn’t!
Very well written list, Julie.
As a childfree person, I agree with many of the points you have made. There are annoying stereotypes, unfair judgments, shitty parents, annoying kids, intrusive questions and what not. I get annoyed at that stuff too, believe me!. But, as a general rule, I try not to pay too much attention to what I am against or things that anger me, I get much better peace of mind paying attention to the things I am for, focusing my efforts on doing what makes me happy.
When I see these sort of elaborate, detailed tirades against family life, it just screams insecurity to me. That is not a judgment to say I think you really want kids deep down. I am sure you are very confident about your choice but society’s judgement of this decision, can make it hard on us. Anytime we criticize other people and get worked up about how others perceive us, it means there is some part of us that is responding to this crap, that wonders if it is true and other people are right. This is something we are loathe to admit, however, and I am sure this will make you mad, though that is not my intention. While I agree that being childfree certainly impacts our lifestyle, I do not see it as a lifestyle, I see it as a choice. You strike me as a very angry person and I hope that one day you find greater peace with your decision. You may argue you already have it, but when we feel compelled to do things like this, we do not. If you continue to devote so much time to hating kids and family life, you are constantly going to be faced with situations that reinforce it and it will just make life more difficult. This post was in no way meant to attack you. I hope that it causes you to reflect more on your feelings and help you uncover why you feel the need to exert so much energy concerning yourselves with matters that clearly put you in a negative frame of mind.
I see so many childfree people exerting so much energy on such low-energy activities. Not having kids presents an opportunity for an awesome life…focus on the good stuff!
What tirades against family life? What hatred of children? I never write any such thing.
Look, if you’re going to sit there and arrogantly play armchair psychiatrist, could you at least refrain from making shit up? Am I supposed to be impressed with the conclusions you reach after pulling details right out of your ass like that?
“Against ‘family’ life”? The author stated clearly in the article that she has a family of two adult humans and a dog. And I’m sure she had/has parents, cousins, aunt(s) and/or uncle(s) -maybe brother(s) and/or sister(s) and many other distant realities. She has family and therefore, she has a family life -therefore she has no reason to be against having a family life. It’s just kids she doesn’t want.
Relatives. Stupid voice text thing never, ever hears me properly.
Yeah, I hate “family ,life!!! there I said it. Just s there are people qho hte fotball, certain fods, etc. Deal. Stop playing cheap psychologist to us
Julie Was Here. You are a lying too faced bitch and have too much time on your hands. Honey, there are some awesome Drs out there who will prescribe you some antidepressants, although I know you already know this, I suggest you try a few more combinations.
Here are my thoughts. If you don’t like them, don’t read them, they are just my thoughts pure and simple (sound familiar?)
You enjoy the autistic child, is that perhaps because his communication skills are as defunct as your own?
Was it the fact that you were brought up in a shitty area where people get shot?(not sure that Colorado Springs is much better darl)
Is it the fact that your BF refuses to make a commitment to you? You’ve mentioned a few times ‘soul mate’ not sure he feels the same sweetheart.
Was it your year in Iraq? War can mess with your mind, as you know.
Is is simply the fact that your own mom was such a shitty horrible breeder who relentlessly reminded you of how disgusting you are?
By the sound of it, the bullies at high school really did a number on you. You were small, with no tits yourself, so perhaps this is why you have issues with breasts in public. Considering how quiet and prudish you were, I’m not surprised that all you do is moan and snipe at people.
I’d like to congratulate you on truly showing everyone (including your little mom) your evil thoughts and ideas. I don’t think it’s your use of the ‘F’ word that causes problems, she won’t tell you this, but she really worries about you and only appeases you because she is a little scared of you.
This comment has nothing to do with child free or religion, it is about you requiring serious medical help. Reply/ don’t reply. Don’t care you are seriously an embarrassment to human kind. I really hope that you continue on the awful path you have provided yourself, I hope every woman exposes her tits to you and I hope that all your meals out end up with a toddler or baby screaming next to you. Maybe then you will stop your bi-weekly trips out the house completely and remain inside where your festering anger can continue to spurn. Online is where you feel big, I get it. Now go and dress up Millie again, get her to do her light trick and pretend that her vandalising your house is a ‘sign’ (lol). Pathetic.
Childfree and happy.
Wow, you really are a hilarious little psycho, aren’t you? So “Older, wiser, happier and have lots of friends(lol, if you have to say that, it’s obviously not true) since you’ve made a number of claims, it falls upon you to support them.
What makes you think that asking questions that have nothing to do with anything and are leading questions involving shit you just make up constitute as thoughts? I mas as well ask you “have you stopped sucking donkey dick?”
What have I lied about? Where? Quote, now.
In what way am I two-faced?
What “evil thoughts and ideas” are you talking about?
When have I ever used the term “soul-mate”?
What makes you think my BF and I aren’t committed to each-other? And what would that have to do with anything?
What does having a friend with an autistic child have to do with anything?
What does being a soldier have to do with anything?
Where have I ever called my mom a breeder, or mentioned any problem with her like you describe? And what would that have to do with anything?
What makes you think that I was brought up in a shitty area? What makes you think that I was brought up in Colorado Springs?
And you keep asking “was it, X?” Um, was WHAT X? If you’re going to make an accusatory correlation, you could at least state what you’re suggesting is the effect to the cause.
If this comment has nothing to do with childfreedom or religion, just what the fuck is your problem?
What do I require medical help for, specifically?
Lol, you could at least be the kind of troll who makes some kind of sense, or has something resembling an argument to make. Yeah, we both know who is the one really in need of help. I hope you get it. Maybe a nice shrink can help you through this creepy obsession you seem to have with me.
Welcome to nonsequitur hour!
lol, right?
Sometimes my blog attracts a few nuts.
You know, I don’t want kids either, but you are the kind of asshole that makes childfree people seem completely psychotic. I found this trying to find a way to get a tubal ligation done, and I’m sorry I clicked.
How do you figure? Funny, you trolls never say. No argument to present, I see.
Well, read your comment back to yourself. I’m too lazy to write my own completely unreasonable insults.
I love how in your universe, everyone is trying to talk to you and visit you all the time. Because clearly… CLEARLY… you are a bright ray of sunshine that everyone wants to be around.
Where did I say anything remotely like that? No really, where?
Act like an adult and back up what you say.
Looks like someone has linked from a mommie blog.
It’s possible. Whatever. Gives me traffic just the same
This deserves to be published to millions.
Every time I see a list like this I find something new to be surprised at…in this case, people telling you you shouldn’t have a certain home or number of rooms because you don’t have children to fill them. I enjoy using our second bedroom as a video game/workout room. I wouldn’t mind having a few more and I could find ways to fill them that won’t include children. It baffles me that anyone would criticize what home someone gets or how they use the space.
I honestly respect your choice to be child-free even though I, personally, look forward to having children and, naturally, have a different perspective. However, I don’t agree with the way you make yourself out to be a victim. I think Jason Robillard says it best here: (link deleted)
1. I haven’t made myself out to be a victim anywhere, and to suggest that is absurd.
2. I saw that steaming pile of manplaining dog shit you mentioned, and I intend to address it another time.
Wow… your rules are… interesting. I have no problem with you not wanting to have kids… but a lot of your other rules are (a) self-centered; (b) incredibly selfish; (c) downright harmful; and/or (d) antisocial. I assure you that if I knew you personally, my own kids wouldn’t be bothering you, since I would be keeping them the fuck away from you anyway. I’m guessing your friends that have kids (if you actually have any) feel the same way.
Also, I was still on your side until I read some of your responses to other people’s comments. Again, I respect your decision to not have children… but you clearly have no fucking clue what raising kids entails. Honestly, us parents are just trying to live our lives as normally as possible. Yes, some of us talk about our kids too much… but certainly no more than you talk about NOT having kids. On behalf of parents everywhere, we’re sorry that our choice to have children sometimes slightly inconveniences you… but grow the fuck up.
You made the claim, now it’s time to be an adult and back it up. HOW am I a) self-centered; (b) incredibly selfish; (c) downright harmful; and/or (d) antisocial?
Sure… no prob.
(a) Self-centered and selfish – Exhibit A “I will not validate parents carrying on like their tired somehow is more tired than my tired. Fuck off, I work.” – You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I never knew tired until I had kids. And by the way, I work as an attorney, and have kids… but, I also don’t go around saying “I’m so tired.” Do you know why? I keep it to myself… because I’m not a self-centered asshole.
Exhibit B – you wrote a list that includes *70 items* trying to validate your chosen path in life and belittling my chosen path in life. Then, you criticize or insult people who call you out on your bullshit.
(b) antisocial – the numerous times that you indicate you wouldn’t lift a finger to help anyone, or even move over on the sidewalk to give someone more room. “Antisocial” as I’m sure you can figure out, includes doing things that harm society and refusing to do things that would benefit society. Social people help each other out… antisocial people chose to be petty little bitches because of some perceived slight to them (that isn’t there). If someone was “walking” down the street with crutches would you do nothing to get out of their way?
(c) Harmful – by far the easiest. Exhibit A – “I will not agree to babysit anyone who I’m not allowed to spank, if especially destructive behavior calls for it.” So, you wouldn’t even help a friend out (again, assuming you have a parent friend, which I doubt) unless you are allowed to beat their child? And who are you to determine whether a certain behavior is “destructive” enough to warrant corporal punishment? (call this “exhibit C” of “self-centered” to think that a person who intentially swore off children is in any way qualified to deterimine what behavior in children is “destructive”). And let’s not forget the countless research that shows that spanking doesn’t help shape behavior, and can actually cause many more problems than it solves. So not only do you want to physically abuse children, but you want to hinder their social development.
Exhibit B – “Ram me with your stroller on purpose, and I might just kick it over.” Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? So for this one (1) you’d publicly “punish” someone who accidently taps you with their child’s stroller (probably because you were too selfish to get your lazy ass out of the way), and (2) you’d “punish” the parent by most likely injuring (possibly seriously) their child (a child who is young and small enough to be in a stroller). Again, back to the guy in the crutches… if he brushed you with one of his crutches, would you kick it out from under him so he fell over? Forget anti-social… this is downright sociopathic.
I’ve spent enough time with you. Enjoy your life… particularly when you’re a bitter old spinster who nobody gives a shit about (as opposed to the bitter young asshole that nobody gives a shit about that you currently are)
(BTW… YOU telling anyone to “be an adult” is laughable. Hello, Mr. Kettle, there’s a phone call for you… it’s Mr. Pot calling to say that you’re black)
Oh, dear. So I see your problems are reading comprehension and general ignorance.
A. Not pretending that someone else’s tired is more tired than my tired is self-centered? That doesn’t even make any sense, for one thing. Moreover, I don’t go around complaining about being tired either, and it makes no sense for you to assume that I do. I just hate when I talk about work and other responsibilities and someone chimes in with “wait until you have kids,” as if their work is somehow more than mine.
And you never knew what it was like to be tired until you had kids? Wow, you must be some kind of underachiever, I see. What’s it like being a slacker?
You want to know tired? Join the Army. Spend a year in Iraq without a day off. Work insanely long hours of manual labor. Go to the gym because you’re still expected to meet physical fitness standards. Have what little sleep you have interrupted by the sound of rockets landing close to you and killing the people around you. Then bitch to me about being tired.
I’m not trying to validate anything. I wrote this because I’m not a submissive, cowering doormat.
B. I never wrote anywhere that I would refuse to help anyone. You bade that up.
Ironically, the sidewalk thing was about my problem with entitled cows NOT moving over on the sidewalk, but walking down the middle like they own it, and forcing everyone else to walk in the mud or the street. I wrote that I would not be bullied off the sidewalk just because some bitch didn’t feel like making room. Or is it only anti-social when I do it (even though I don’t and never wrote that I did?) Maybe you should find a real adult to help you read?
C. One, I don’t owe anybody childcare. There are plenty of other resources available for that. And who am I to decide what behavior warrants spanking? Um, in that case, the babysitter.
Two, spanking isn’t beating. Nor does normal spanking, when not used as a crutch in place of other forms of instilling discipline, harmful. If you were raised right, you’d know that.
As for kicking over stroller, do you not read? I was pointing out that I, or anyone else, COULD. If a bitch uses a stroller as a weapon, she clearly doesn’t give a flying fuck about the child inside, does she? Did you read what I wrote after that? That assault charges would suffice?
I’m not talking about bumping or brushing anyone, I’m talking about intentionally ramming people, which is a popular aggressive action among entitled cows.
‘
You probably don’t even have the grace or sense to be embarrassed, I bet.
Hey Mike if you are still getting response messages to this bolg….guess what the nursing home is full of breeders who only have the nurses for companions. They having living children who simply don’t give a fuck about dear old mom and dad at least until its time for the will or the insurance money to be distributed. You are one of those men who needed children to validate that you are a “Man”. And funny how you had so much time on your hands to find this blog and post your own proclamations. Guess the missus or the help are handling the kiddies. Why don’t you grab some beers, get with the guys and discuss all the joys of fatherhood instead?!
And if you don’t believe that there are parents out there who quiet freely admit to using their strollers as weapons, sometimes for an offense no larger than finding someone annoying or “being in their way,” STFU Parents has numerous examples of mothers admitting to it.
OMG. Gotta love the trolls! LOL!
Julie, great post! I feel the same way on many of the points you made.
Ya know, I don’t necessarily identify with everything, and shit, that’s ok! I am cf and THRILLED about it. I used to be a lot harder about it all but I have found that the people I love, sometimes have kids in their lives that THEY love, so I deal with it. It’s just tolerance, to me. I respect that your level of tolerance is simply different than mine, how bland would it be if we all totally agreed?? I think we need someone like you in our corner. A cf WARRIOR! You are the Joan of arc for the childless. We get so much shit in this world, we are labeled as lazy, selfish, unenlightened and much, much worse. Thanks for the blog, I love it!
Agree 100%, the pedestal breeders are put upon these days is ludicrous. That must be what baby brain does to you! The only thing I wouldnt mind is breastfeeding if they kept they breast completely hidden – anything to shut the bloody thing up!
Ah I’ve thought of a point – I refuse to coo and go “aww” when a child is feeling ill or being sick in public or anywhere. I wouldnt do that to an adult so why do it with a younger child?
“I will not tolerate people claiming that my dog is a subconscious substitute for a child. She’s a dog. I got a dog because a dog is what I wanted. I prefer dogs. I will not call myself my dog’s “mommy” or refer to her as a “fur-baby.” She’s a dog.”
Thank you. This drives me nuts. I know people who immediately start “joking” that a dog is the first step to a baby if I even so much as mention possibly getting one.
What a miserable excuse for a human being you are. It’s nice how the most vehemently childfree people are the first to offer themselves up as people who know the most about parenting. Fuck you, lady.
Ah, you must be one of those completely inept people who shouldn’t be allowed to breed, does anyway, is too lazy to actually patent, and makes your unraised hellions everyone else’s problem. *waves* You’re the reason this list exists.
Lol. I actually have no kids and have no desire to have kids, I just also have no desire to hate people who have nothing to do with me and make up imaginary stories about people running into me with strollers on purpose and THOSE HORRIBLE UGLY MOOS taking OFF their ENTIRE (!!!!!) shirt in public so everyone can see that they are amazing breastfeeding mothers.
I sincerely hope your days are much more pleasant than they apparently have been, and that you never have to be in a situation that doesn’t please you 100% ever again, since the public is here only to serve you and no one else.
Ah, what a relief. I was really worried that someone like you would contaminate the gene pool. I don’t suppose that being spineless is really a better quality for you to have.
I didn’t make up any stories, by the way. Bitches really do all that shit I talked about.
Hi Julie. I came across your blog while googling ‘no kids’ (oooh, what a mean person I am for not wanting children of my own!) and, my, I was speechless after I read it. 1st, because as I was reading I was like ‘oh my God, she’s totally right!’ and ‘yes, unfortunately, that happens to me all the time o_O!’ and ‘totally agree’. Second, because I don’t understand why people feel the need to insult you and offer no valid counter-argument, just because they don’t accept that you’ve chosen not to be like almost everybody and add another human being to the already huge lot. Everyone has the right to live life as it pleases them, why should we justify our choices? They only concern ourselves and we’re not doing anything wrong but choosing not to have children. I am sick and tired of having people telling me that 1- I will inevitably change my mind; 2- my boyfriend and I will eventually get bored of being just the 2 of us and so, we’ll have a kid to ‘entertain’ or ‘occupy’ ourselves; 3-I will feel the physical need to have a child and so on. The ‘best’ reason I’ve heard of having a child was “Who is going to visit and take care of you when you’re old?” That absolutely left me speechless. Well, guess what? I already felt the need of having a baby. I pictured myself with a big belly and i expected to have my kid at 27, like my mom. Luckily, that feeling went away. I do like some kids, like my nephew, because they’re funny and smart. And I don’t like spoiled brats. I like being around children when I want to, but I don’t like being imposed a kid. I like staying in bed late on Sundays because I’ve spent the whole week working. Is that wrong? Should I be feeling guilty for not wanting to breed? I don’t think so and I sure won’t apologise for that. BTW, no one seems to criticise priest and nuns for not having children. Thak you again for your post, Julie.
I want to thank you for this excellent post. As someone who is relatively new to the concept of childfreedom, this helped me come up with a similar list and put my thoughts about this topic in order.
I want to say thank you for this post. As someone who is relatively new to the concept of childfreedom, this helped me put my thoughts in order and come up with a similar list of my own. Excellent post
Kind of late to the party, but this is an excellent post. I rarely understand why parents think that actually making their children behave is some sort of fascist societal tenet. How dare you ask people to raise their children, you horrible person you? IMO, the people above who think you’re horrible for asking children to behave are those same people who think nothing of their children disrupting everyone around them. They are mommies, hear them whine.
As for the breastfeeding, I’m against it not only for the fluid risk but for the psychological implications of public breast exposure. I’m going to be a real armchair psychiatrist here, but allowing public breastfeeding damages the concept of women as anything *but* moms. By telling society that boobs as feeding tubes are sainted holy vessels, we push a large part of women’s sexuality into the closet. Because anything not used for mommy-ness is bad, evil, and wrong. Essentially, it’s another way of telling women that we don’t own our sexuality (or bodies) because they must always be in service to someone else.
Anyway, great post! If enough people require children to behave in public, maybe they eventually will.
Wonderful!! Child-free and unapologetic!!
I’m 50 y/o African American woman. Happily married and very happily, and purposely childfree. It is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Thank you for sharing your views. I like your style.
Do I feel the same way as you on every rule? No. Do I love your list overall? YES! Thanks for sharing!
Re:Public breastfeeding: have you heard about the professor who caused a stir for breastfeeding in her class? While certain (male) students made misogynistic comments about (I’m not okay with that, obviously, but it is to be expected), what bothers me even more is that everyone who says “that’s not appropriate for a university classroom” is painted as awful and anti-feminist. I would be interested to hear your thoughts about this.
Feminism does not mean a woman gets to use the fact that she has a vagina as an excuse to do whatever she wants. That professor’s behavior is not only unprofessional but uncivilized.
What bothers me the most about it is that there are red flags (at least for someone who also teaches at a university) to suggest that she did it on purpose to provoke this sort of controversy. She says “My child was sick, I didn’t have back up childcare, I brought it (she uses “it” to describe her child! and still expects people to treat her like mother of the year) to class, and when it got hungry, I fed it*. However there were two main problems with this- She mentions that it was the first day of class (just going over the syllabus) and that she has a teaching assistant. So she *could* have stayed home with her sick child. It is not hard to go over a syllabus. The TA could have done it. 2. The child, when not ill, has some form of childcare other than the mother, meaning that there is an alternative method of feeding. So she didn’t have to breastfeed in class. I honestly believe she was trying to start a fight and claim discrimination if she is denied tenure.
*(Marginally related thoughts: 1. Why do parents assume that because an infant is small, it is not contagious when sick? I run into this line of thinking all the time. 2. It is never professional to bring a child into class. Especially a child that cannot sit through the class without causing disruption)
Agreed. I absolutely agree.
As for your questions…
1. People ignore anything and everything bad about babies, including contagiousness when sick, because of something I like to call natalism-worship. No! The holy baby, spawn of my magnificent vag can not be an obnoxious, loud nuisance/ an unbearable bag of rancid stench/ a biohazard.
2. Unless the child is a student or is in the class for demonstration purposes (as in a parenting class,) no, there is absolutely no excuse to bring a baby to class or work. No excuses.
I hear you. Funny enough, I recently overheard someone complaining about people getting upset because she brought her sick baby somewhere it should not be (I don’t know details.). Her justification for doing so was “It’s a baby!” (Oh these people who pretend to be the world’s greatest parents yet refer to their children as “it”). This is not an excuse. Would you let someone with the flu hold your baby? No. You know how disease works. Your baby can get sick, and (s)he can also infect other people, even adults. Maybe that person who was complaining had a compromised immune system? That’s why I practice common courtesy and try to avoid being around people whilst sick. The thing is, even if they didn’t, it is perfectly reasonable for people to want to avoid being around anyone who is contagious. This one really upsets me because my grandmother died of complications from shingles. Why? Because one of my cousins used the “it’s a baby” excuse to bring her sick child who had just received a chicken pox vaccine in the presence of my grandmother who was recovering from chemotherapy, despite the fact that every vaccination handout tells you to avoid people who are taking or recovering from chemo. Oh, and the fact that as an RN, the cousin in question should have known better.
I don’t know what makes anyone think “it’s a baby” is ever an acceptable excuse for anything.
I’m sorry about your grandmother. Can anything legally be done about the cousin who killed her?
I think people confuse an infant’s inability to reason with their refusal to do so.
This happened when I was in high school and I’m now working on my PhD. Beyond that, there is a possibility that she was infected elsewhere because she travelled before getting sick, so most of the family just write it off as that being what happened to avoid hard feelings. We’ll never know for sure, but her actions were negligent and put my grandmother at risk.
In my family, she would have been blamed for even taking the risk and no one would associate with her anymore.
I love this post. Love isn’t even a strong enough word. It covers just about everything! The images conjured in my head from rule #1 under your Home rules makes me laugh still. I think someone needs to illustrate that.
I fucking love this. A lot.
I respect the fact that you speak out your mind so honestly about your personal life style. I think having the choice to do or don’t do anythin or everything, about “socially accepctable” human activities could save us some trouble. However, and just as other readers do, I’m not 100% agreeing with some points in the list.
I come from a big family and I am surrounded by kids most of the time, not that I want some, yet this turns inevitable in family gatherings, and I actually believe that members of my family that are “parents” should not be called that, and I see how this affects their progeny. Saying this, my intention is to adress the fact, in my case at least with so many kids around me, I can not behave in so many ways as you described above, because even if toddlers can be unbearable at times, they do requiere a propper amount of attention. Why? Beacuse they are people in development. I’m not saying one should behave to them as a parent, but at least guide them, in a proper direction, and achieve the respect of each other; even if you’re a childfree thinker, once you were a child and knowledge comes from every resource possible if you’re being given it in the right way. I care to wonder if the kids in my family will one day, be choosing to breed or not, to become parents or to skip the conventionalities as we are now; but who knows what their own battles will be. Also, I believe that if we want us to be respected, we should do the same towards parents, and partents to be. Being tolerant sets an example. Of course, within the boundaries of what is reasonable.
Thank you for your post. Anything that gives room to a discussion is worth giving a try (this case a read).
Paying attention to toddlers is the job of the parents. What does anyone else’s choice to breed have to do with me? Guiding someone else’s kids is not my responsibility.
And there it is, the classic nonsense argument, “you were a kid once.” So what? Seriously, what does that have to do with anything. I swear, so many people are so keen to say that, yet none every seem to have a real answer as to what their point is when challenged. I don’t owe anyone anything.
I think you misunderstood my comment. I take this position towards my role in my family. I am surrounded by kids so I, personally, drive myself this way, which does not mean, as I said before, take the role of a parent at my home nor in any other situation. Nor it has to apply for others. I agree there’s no right, nor wrong, in using “you were once a kid” to justify any situation you may have adressed in your post. In my case, considering I was raised in this group of people, mostly women, and all have been part of the others life, that are so very closed between them, even when some of them are childfree by choice and some are parents by standars, make an oblivion as my role as cousin and as an aunt, may not set the example I want to give, nor I would be following the example given, that we should treat each other with tolerance and respect, no matter ct each others beliefs .
By the way, can’t believe you wrote this on your iPhone. Just received your feedback on mine and it took me ages!! And the ct on the last sentence is evidence of my lack of ability to master this gadgets
so it is a double congrats on your abilities to communicate through your device and your post.
Perhaps I did misunderstand.
Anyway, everyone is welcome to take on any role they wish, just as they can reject any role.
Myself, I’m not interested in guiding children.
LOVED THIS!!!
Kudos! A great post that needs to be read by a whole lotta people!
Excellent post! Everything was on point.
Reblogged this on Making My Life Happen and commented:
Though some of this was a bit extreme, even for me, I do agree with it quite a bit! Yay childfreedom!
I read this and can clearly understand how a cult following begins! I want to light candles and provide offerings at your feet…..because the Goddess has spoken! I absolutely fucking LOVE THIS. If ever I needed evidence that I wasn’t alone on my views of breeding, parenting and respecting my childfree life reading this validates all that I have known to be true for this woman as well. Oh, its orgasmic. To see similar if not identical rules/philosophies in writing have left me spent with just enough engery to aim two middle fingers at these human semen dispensers and makers of cock trophies (my reference to women who feel obligated to breed to show how deep their love is and sacrifice they are willing to make and the men who need
children to prove they are getting laid or need proof their dicks work).
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