10 Reasons Santa Is Better Than God

    1. Santa doesn’t care if you believe in him or not. He’s not that insecure.
    2. Santa rewards and punishes people based on their deeds, not whether or not they kissed his ass enough. (see #1.)
    3. Santa’s punishment is, at worst, coal. Santa never flooded the planet (Gen.7:21-22,) had pregnant women be ripped up and have their little ones dashed upon rocks (Hos.13:16,) and never threatened anyone with eternal torment in a fiery pit (Matthew 13:41-42.) Santa isn’t fucking psychotic.
    4. Santa’s reward for goodness is presents. Something practical that you can use. Something you can get every year. You don’t have to be dead to get it.
    5. Santa doesn’t want you to be good for him, or for the reward of presents, or for the fear of coal, but to “be good for goodness sake.”
    6. No one has ever killed, waged war, interfered with school curriculum, attacked science, or interfered with laws and government in Santa’s name.Nor has anyone used Santa as an excuse for bigotry against minority groups. You don’t see any “Santa hates fags” signs around, do you?
    7. None of Santa’s elves have ever gone rogue and waged war with the North Pole. Santa is a competent leader and keeps his people in line. Or maybe hanging with Santa is just better.
    8. Santa does not demand brutal human sacrifice on a cross. He’d just appreciate some milk and cookies. And maybe some carrots for the reindeer. Torture? He’ll pass.Oh, and he doesn’t want any of your money, either.
    9. NORAD tracks Santa every year. That’s just awesome.

      You can also get your picture taken with Santa in stores. God has yet to pose with me or my dog.

    10. Although neither god nor Santa are real, no one judges your character for not believing in Santa.

Posted on 2011/12/18, in Atheism, Religion and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. number 7 is the best

    I think it’s quite telling in fact, that it is okay to serve in Santa’s workshop and not go solo.

  2. No one ever takes takes name in vain, either. See that, God, you catch more flies with honey!

  3. Santa doesnt kill animals!

  4. also, the music is better

    • Julie Was Here

      Mostly, although I’m embarassed to admit that I have a soft spot for the courus of “awesome god.”

  1. Pingback: 10 reasons Santa is better than god | Random Ntrygg

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