Bingoed: Yes, I DO Know

I hate it when people tell me that I don’t know that I don’t want kids. It’s so stupid, but it happens all the time. Yes, I do know.

As I’ve mentioned here before, I finally got a tubal ligation last week. As a result, I got a week of convalescent leave to recover. Outside the barracks yesterday, I ran into someone from my company and we had a bit of small talk. She asked me how I was enjoying being on leave, and I told her I’ve mostly been in my room as I’m not up to much. She thought I was on normal leave, vacation, when really I was recovering from surgery. She asked me what I had done. I said I had a tubal ligation. Then I had to explain what that was. Then I had to explain what the word “sterile” meant. (Really, US Army?)

“It means I can never have babies.” I finally said.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I never want kids.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes, I certainly do.”


My BF and I recently found a lovely townhome to move into. Yesterday, we met with an agent to sign the lease. The agent was going through the terms of our lease, and brought up children. It’s part of the rules, so that was fair enough. We mostly just sort of tuned it out.

He started to say something like “You guys don’t have kids yet but when you do…” I don’t remember what he said next, because I was looking at the face my BF was making (ever see a smile that’s not actually a smile? That’s the face. BF looked like he was going to bite.) The agent noticed too and quickly said, “or not.” Kids came up a few more times, but got an irritated, disinterested facial reactions from us. The agent started feeling awkward, I guess, since we didn’t appear to be interested in anything to do with kids. “You two are together, right?” He eventually asked, obviously confused.

Kids came up again as he was recapping the basic rules of the lease. My BF finally spoke up and said. “We’re not having kids.” The agent was trying to be professional, but didn’t really know how to respond.

“Ok, so you don’t plan to, but you never know. Accidents do happen. I know one guy who-”

“My medical insurance company paid a lot of money to make sure there will be no accidents.” I interrupted, referring to my recent tubal ligation. He must have felt very awkward as the matter was immediately dropped.

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Posted on 2011/07/21, in childfree, Diary, Prochoice and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. “You’ll change your mind” (or variations thereof) is one of the most annoying things on the breeder bingo card. I’ve been telling people that I didn’t want kids for the past 18 years, and they’re finally beginning to believe me. If I’d said, “Yes! I want kids!” no one would have said, “Well, you don’t know that,” or “You’ll change your mind as you get older.”

    Congrats on your sterilization and the accompanying peace of mind. :-)

  2. Yes congrats.

    “You’ll change your mind” is fucking annoying; I’m 60 & won’t be changing my mind.

  3. haha…people reject what they do not understand people. just do what i do whenever some christian person tells me that god wants me to be a christian: take in, swallow it whole, then take a shit and then it’s gone.

  4. congrats on your tubal ligation – that must be a relief.

    i think that what people can’t grasp is that some are very good at making cohesive, responsible decisions and sticking to them. so may people go through life taking whatever comes. i’ve heard say, ‘there are accidental pregnancies but no accidental births.’ it seems like until you’ve made an irreversible decision people will never, ever accept that your choice is final.

    what a dbag realtor. if that was me i think i would have made the situation a whole lot more uncomfortable for him. sheesh.

    i love johnnathan’s comment – take it in and shit it out. what else can you do?

  5. Congrats on the tubal! Did you have any trouble getting a doctor to do it? I am assuming you’re still quite young? I’m 32 and I’m afraid to ask for it and get the run around.

    • Julie Was Here

      I had some trouble, but not a lot. I had to go through two PAs before I could find one to give me an OB/GYN referral, and then I the second OB/GYN I saw agreed to do it.
      You’re 10 years older than I am. I believe that if you’re firm and stubborn, you can get what you want. Good luck. :)

  6. I’ve received the “you’ll change your mind” statement from people who objected to me transitioning and having my SRS. 5 years so far and no change in the mind. ;-P

    • Julie Was Here

      Oh, “you’ll change your mind” if you’re not validating the life choices of the insecure by mirroring them. People who issue that bingo are saying a lot more about themselves than they think.

  7. I just moved to the bible belt, and went in for my yearly girlie appointment. The first thing out of my gyno’s mouth, whom I have never met , was ” 25! We need a Fertility plan!” I said ” my fertility plan included paying for my husbands vasectomy.” She responds with ” oh well let me get you some information on vasectomy reversals, and artificial insemination, and if worse comes to worse, adoption” Infuriating

    • Julie Was Here

      Wow. I would have turned and walked right out on the spot.

      • They are all like that here, I would go to planned parenthood, but they closed the only chapter a few years ago.

  1. Pingback: Bingoed: “Just Wait Until You Have Kids” « The Hiking Humanist

  2. Pingback: Yes, It IS Possible To Be Pro-Child, Anti-Natalist! « Golden Coat Hanger

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