Looking Forward

As I write this, I have a lot on my mind. I realize that my life is about to undergo massive changes, and will never be the same. I joined the Army almost four years ago, with the intent of eventually moving back home while I went to school. Since I’ve fallen in love with my BF and Colorado, that plan has changed drastically. Not moving home means that I’ll be away from my support system of family and friends permanently, not just while I serve. It also means that I’ll be mostly on my own for finding a place to live, and for paying all of my bills. Well, not totally on my own, I’ll have my BF to help me here. But that’s actually a problem. What if it doesn’t work out? I realize that by staying here I’m taking a much bigger risk than I would be at home. The pressure is on to find a job that can pay my bills and still have the time and energy for school. As my BF reaches his ETS date, and as I go though the medboard process, I’m made very aware that we’re running out of time.

Still, I have reason to be optimistic. BF and I just got approved for a lovely townhome, and our job searches aren’t without prospect. But the thing that give me the most hope for my future is knowing that I can at least be certain that I will never have children. If you haven’t been following my blog, you might not know this, but I’m sterile. Oh, don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t. TRICARE paid good money to ensure my infertility. I had my tubal ligation earlier just this week. I have two small cuts in my body, I have some residual air in my abdomen, and I’m still bleeding somewhat, but I’m happy. I’m very happy.

Knowing that I’m sterile means knowing that for whatever other curves life throws at me, I have one thing I can count on. I will never have kids. I will never be burdened with the expense and sheer work that goes into raising a functional human being. I will never know the guilt of contributing to overpopulation. I can pursue the education and career of my choosing, without pregnancy or motherhood threatening it. I will save money as I won’t need to spend it on birth control, and I won’t have to worry about contraceptive failure. I can give my BF and future dog(s) the attention and peaceful home life that they deserve. Most of all, I get to keep my identity. I will never be re-named “Mommy.” I’m Julie.  I get to stay that way and keep my life.

I’m looking forward to my life now. I’m planning to move in with my BF soon, and I’m hoping that we can be happy together for a long time. I’m looking forward to getting a dog and training it well, and taking it on adventures. I’m looking forward to camping, hiking, mountain biking, snowboarding, offroading. I’m looking forward to climbing each the Colorado 14-ers. I’m looking forward to visiting Japan some day. Some day I want to buy a house in the middle of nowhere with lots of land. Or maybe I’ll get an RV and travel instead. There are a lot of things that I want to do with my life, but mostly I just want my life to be my own. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. Not having children protects my freedom to do so.

Some people have felt the need to tell me how I’ll regret not having children. Oh, don’t be jealous of me! The truth is, I’d regret having children.