Countdown To Tubal: Envy?

My tubal ligation is tomorrow!

On Twitter, a childfree person, whose name I shall not share, posted a tweet that caught my attention. “Today I’m reminded what I’m missing out on by not having kids.” I thought that phrasing her feelings that way were an invitation for bingos, but it’s up to her how she feels. Not everyone is childfree for the same reasons, I understand, because not everyone feels the same way about parenting. As she explained later, she definitely doesn’t want to have children, but thinks that certain aspects of parenthood “rock.” She explained that she was choosing one good thing over another.

Hover, in that first tweet, she included the phrase, “Amazes me so many #Childfree claim there’s *nothing* about parenthood to envy.” This was an awkward statement, and is probably what caused so many people in the childfree tag to reply with tweets which she described as defensive. I explained to her that this line is probably the reason. It’s perfectly OK for her to feel however she feels about parenthood, but in that last line, she dragged all childfree people into it like we’re all supposed to envy what she envies.

This blog post isn’t a response to the tweeter. I’m taking the idea of childfree people secretly envying parents or feeling as if we are missing out as a writing prompt, especially since I’ve seen similar ideas in bingos and in outright attacks on CF people. As is the case with the tweeter, some people may feel that way, as they weigh one option against another and decide what’s best for themselves. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, as long as she only speaks for herself.

However, not all childfree people feel as that tweeter does at all. I’d even venture to say that she’s probably a minority. I for one don’t feel as though I’m missing out on anything that I’d ever want, and there’s absolutely noting about parenting that I find even remotely enviable. I’ve never wanted to be a parent, not even a little bit, not even for a moment.

I didn’t even feel like I had to weigh pros and cons, as I already knew what I did and didn’t want. But as a writing project, I did it anyway. I came up with 100 reasons I never want kids, 99 of which were rendered irrelevant as #100, simply having no desire to have kids, was more than enough on its own. I tried making a list of good reasons that I should have kids, pros to parenting. After staring at my screen for ages, I couldn’t think of a single one.

I’ll say it again, I could not, after genuine effort, think of even one single good reason I should have kids. Not one! The only reason I could think of to have kids, wasn’t a reason at all. In fact, it was a downright horrible pressure to have kids and, sadly, one that some people really do buy into. It was because that’s what people say we should do. It’s what’s expected of us, especially us women. That is not a good reason to do anything, let alone create a whole new person.

There is not one thing about parenting that I would like. There is not one thing about parenting that would benefit me or anyone else. Being a parent, I’m sure, would only harm me and ruin the life that I work so hard to establish for myself. Even if parenting wouldn’t be a complete disaster for myself and anyone else involved, as I’m sure it would be, certainly nothing good could come of it.

What I’m missing out on, I’m glad I’m missing out on. Life is difficult and stressful enough without having needy dependents which I would surely resent. There’s nothing about parenthood that I envy, or think “rocks.” In fact, I can’t help but feel pity for parents, even if they do not feel that way themselves. Every time someone I know happily announces she’s pregnant, I’m made to feel obligated to congratulate her, but even as I do, I feel very sorry for her. Maybe someone reading this will think that unkind, but I really can not help but see parenting as a very sad thing.

Sufficed to say, I want absolutely no part in such a life. I have no doubt in my mind that having my tubal ligation tomorrow is the best decision I’ve ever made, and one I could never regret in the slightest.

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Posted on 2011/07/10, in childfree, Countdown To Tubal, Diary, Twitter and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I’m the same way. My list only has a couple dozen reasons (but some of those actually could count as more than one in my explanations). But after genuinely trying to come up with a pro having kids list, I couldn’t come up with one reason either and consider that to be the reason that stands above all others. If I can’t find one good reason for myself to have kids, then that’s reason enough never to do so.

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