Recently, and over the course of several posts, a troll told me I was selfish. For what, you might wonder? How is someone who regularly donates money to charity, always helps anyone who asks, participates in volunteering, and serves the US Army in any way selfish? Why, for not wanting to create kids, of course!

I wish I could say that this is a rarity. Just another random, baseless accusation in a long line of others from a certain troll. No. Sadly, the accusation that childfree people are selfish is probably the most common anti-cf cliches right next to the threat “you’ll regret it.” When pressed, however, accusers can rarely identify why not having children is selfish.

How is it selfish to not want kids?

Is it selfish for a woman to consider herself to be a person so much that she values her life over that of a person who does not exist? Is it selfish for a woman to see herself as having worth outside of being a walking incubator? How is it selfish for a woman to spend her life doing what she wants, not harming others, living a good life by her own terms?

How is it not selfish for other people to treat a woman as if she should live their way, or perform the functions that they expect of her, like she’s some piece of breeding machinery? How is it not selfish to expect others to sacrifice their hopes and dreams and time and energy so they can live in a manner that you expect of them? How is it not selfish to expect other people to risk their health and their lives just to make you feel better? How is it not selfish to insist that someone take on a terrific burden even as you have no intention toassist?

How is it selfish to not bring new people into an already overpopulated world? How is it selfish to not breed new children when there are so many who already exist and live in misery, or worse, because no one adopts them? How is it selfish for one person to not find their DNA so much superior to whatever went in to an orphaned or abandoned child? How is it not selfish for a person to see themselves as so important that they need some remnant of themselves to exist beyond their own death? How is it selfish for someone to go and accomplish great things themselves, rather than create new people to pass that burden off on to.

It’s not the childfree who are selfish.